22. Enosiophobia

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♡Chapter dedicated to oceanacamerons

"Fifty words for murder
And I'm every one of them." Panic! At the Disco

Ryder knew heart ache better than most

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Ryder knew heart ache better than most.

But the way he felt now, as he slowly regained consciousness and remembered the little girl he had killed, was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Each heartbeat sent a wave of pain through his entire body. He lay still, refusing to open his eyes, scared that he would see her again.

He knew she had been a vision, brought on by the effects of the serum, but that changed nothing. She had appeared for a reason, showing him that redemption was always going to be out of his reach. He had pushed it even further away by killing her yet again, even if it was only his imagination.

He was ruthless. Disgusting. Evil. He hated himself for it.

What would Kayla think?

The sound of weeping reached his ears, causing his eyes to finally fly open. He didn't even care anymore if the little girl was still there. He knew that sound, he had heard it a million times before. If Kayla was in trouble, he had to get to her, he needed to comfort her and talk her through the effects of the serum.

The room slowly swam into focus. Aaron and Savannah's blurry figures were by the door, speaking in hushed whispers that he couldn't quite hear. He turned his head to the side, desperate to find Kayla. Instead, he was confronted with the harsh reality of what had happened while he was passed out.

Crimson blood was spilled across the floor, brushing his fingertips. A body lay close to where he was, still and unmoving. The head was covered with a piece of cloth, but Ryder immediately recognised the shirt that Noah had been wearing. Kayla was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth and sobbing softly.

Noah? What the fuck happened?

Panic began to fill his veins, expanding through his body until he was sure he would explode. He inched forward on his stomach, his hand reaching out to touch Noah. It couldn't be real. It had to be another one of those fucking visions.

Kayla looked up as he moved and he tried to find his voice to ask her what happened. But as her eyes locked on his, he saw the disgust written in them. The sheer and utter revulsion she felt for him was as clear as day, marked across her face as though it had been drawn with permanent marker.

She knows. She knows about Poppy Cartwright.

He struggled to his feet, his legs wobbling like jelly and attempted to move towards her. But she shrank away, scooting backwards as though she was desperate to put as much space between them as possible. The look in her eyes shifted from disgust to fear, and Ryder stopped himself from reaching out to her, horrified that his own sister would be scared of him.

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