Zanvis || Colors

39

"I know what youre trying to say, but i am pretty skinny and even if i tried working out my pecs they'd still look like boobs wouldn't they?"
"I suppose.. I wish i could help more. I hate to see you unhappy with yourself.. You can shop more if you want to, maybe Travis could find more clothes too." She suggested. I wouldn't mind that. Perks of being rich i guess...
"I would like that, i just feel bad that i have to shop to feel okay with my identity."
"Don't be hunny, we still have a lot of money coming in. If it helps until you can get top surgery then please do it." My mom gave me a smile, "i love you, zuzu. I want to help in anyway i can... I know im your mom but im always here to try to understand everything." 
"I love you too.." She got up and went into the other room. I sat there thinking for a moment, tomorrow i was getting my cast removed, then we were getting a doctor's note to stay the hell out of school until we were "better". The talk with my mom helped a bit, and i really thought about what she had to say about just letting Travis see my chest. I would only do it if he was comfortable with it.. Maybe if we had sex or something..

I saw Travis sitting in the living room and decided to come sit next to him. He turned to face me,
"You alright, Zane?" He reached for my hand. I reached back, almost feeling like i couldn't stop it. Something about holding his hand felt easier than holding my moms. 
"Yeah, im alright.. We might go shopping this weekend if youre okay with that?"
"Oh- yeah as long as im close to you.. Can i wear a mask if you do? Maybe no one will know who i am.." He said. It hit deep, the fact he wants to wear a mask now to hide his face so he isn't recognized is upsetting. He must be terrified to go out in public. We haven't gone anywhere but school since the incidents.
"I-I suppose if you want to. We can talk about it in my room." I said motioning that i was going up there now. Travis followed me up the stairs and into my room. I flopped down on my bed, taking a hit of my juul, Travis walked in and shut the door behind him, sitting in my spinny chair.
"So where do you usually shop from?" Travis asked me, he had his phone up, browsing google for the brands.
"I usually go for hottpic, spencers, i occasionally go to like forever 21 or journey something like that to get jeans or jackets or turtle necks." I laid there looking at my ceiling waiting for him to say something.
"Those are nice stores, i could use a wardrobe update." Travis said starting to scroll on his phone. "Ooo we should hit up forever 21 for polos and hoodies." Travis said excitedly. His excitement made me smile a bit, forgetting i was numb and confused. It was normal for me to be bipolar with how i felt. Alright, those places it is. Do you mind if Lucy comes with? No one bothers me when Lucy is next to me. Plus because she's a witch, she has unlimited money supply because of magic. She usually tells me to get pretzel bites or starbucks about half way threw the trip anyway so she is really good to have around. I miss her too, we haven't spoken since everything happened.." I said, starting to message her.

Me: ley Luc, want to go shopping with Travis & i?
Lucy: of course i do! when are we going?
Me: probably this weekend. After school tomorrow i have to get a removable cast and then Travis and i have that therapist appointment to go to so we can get an excused doctors note to be out of school until were "better"
Lucy: Oh im sorry, hubby. You guys can always come hang out with me ya know that right? Id rather you smoke with me than smoke with Gene again...
Me: im sorry about that, Luce. Will you forgive me? Maybe thursday night we will come over and see you.
Lucy: You better. I miss you guys.. I want to know how travis is doing.
Me: We will i promise. Seeya then ;)

"Lucy said she would come. Do you want to go see her thursday? She asked if we would after the appointment."
"Oh, sure i don't mind." He said starting to type on his phone. I didn't pay much mind to it and just got ready for bed.
~~~
The next morning Travis and sat outside until it was time to go to our lockers, despite it being one of the coldest days of October. I put makeup on to cover my face as much as possible but the bruising was too dark of a blue and purple already. Travis was listening to music through his earbuds, sitting right next to me. I was looking out at the road, cars passing, kids walking in the school. Some part of me wanted to walk into the traffic and see if some young adult texting and driving would just hit me. Full force full speed and i just die. I hope everyone sees it and hates themselves. I hope they can't sleep at night knowing that i offed myself because of them making my life living hell.
"Zane? Hello? Where are you dude?" It was Gene, and he was standing there waving his hand in front of my face. I snapped out of it and looked up at him, then at Travis.
"Oh sorry- i was in lala land apparently. What's up?"
"I was wondering why you guys were outside? It's chilly today." Gene said putting his hands in his pocket.
"You know i have no feelings towards the cold. It's the heat that bothers me. Were avoiding the crowd." I explained. Gene nodded. The bell rang and we went inside. People were actually minding their own business today, I guess not noticing us. I went to my locker, Dante was at Travis's side.
"Heey buddy how are you recovering?"
"Oh- Jesus you scared me. Im alright i guess.."
"I'm really sorry about your dad. If you would have just told me i would have been there for you." He said, I sighed with relief. I thought he knew about the rape thing. It was bound to happen that Garroth would tell them anyway but still, the longer it's a secret the better.
~~~
It was a few minutes before the bell was going to ring and the teacher that everyone despises came in and pulled me out. Oh no this cant be happening right now. I have a lunch detention..How am I going to tell Travis? He was in choir right now, our only seperate class, and there was no service and no phone policy here. I looked around and found Gene at the back of the room.
"Gene, please find Travis and stay with him." I said quietly. Gene nodded and watched me leave.
"Yeah Gene protect his boy toy." Some popular kid said as i started leaving the room, but i flipped him off before walking out. I followed the teacher to the study hall room with my homework and sketch book.
"Don't you eat, boy?" He asked. I shook my head no and took my spot in the back of the study hall room. There were other kids in there already, scary ones that no one messed with. One of them being Ein. I didn't want to find out the reason why he was in here. These were the poor outcast kids that no one wanted to mess with knowing if they did they would be slaughtered. There were kids with bruised knuckles and trays of cafeteria food sitting at the desks.
I can't believe this is happening right now. I was probably in lunch detention because i got into that fight yesterday. I was all over the place, just worried about Travis and if Gene would actually go to Travis for me..