Zanvis || Colors

02

[ z a n e ]

september 28th

Dear Journal,

Today is the 7th week mark of having this journal. Other people have month or even year anniversaries for their relationships or friendships but I have a celebration for writing in my journal for seven weeks straight. My therapist was actually very proud of me for doing so. She knows that I have a problem with committing to things unless I really, really have a strong like towards it.
I honestly don't know what to talk about. I got to eat a cupcake today. She says that sugar messes with my depression but she was proud of me and decided to give that as a treat. My therapist is pretty cool. She thinks my problem is that I have perfectionist issues because I have a big, well-known family business. That is probably the reason but school is a major role in my depression. Next time I go I have to tell her what is really wrong. And hopefully I won't ruin her precious, old lady soul.

-Zane

I shut my journal and sighed a long sigh.
Now what am I going to do?
My thoughts were broken when I heard a girl start to breath heavy and my brother chuckle. She then giggled. Garroth and I share a very thin wall to separate our rooms. Vlad at least has his closet to separate him from Garroth. Garroth is my stupid, older, annoying brother who constantly sleeps with different girls about every week. He is the number one popular kid along with his 'bros' that are a close second in popularity. I wouldn't see Garroth as the type to suddenly try to become a fuck boy when we were the ones who hated them the most. In middle school, he had a crush on this other popular girl a year older than him. She would always be picked on and flirted with by douchebags who thought they knew how to get with a girl. So i would let him know who was flirting with her, and he would take credit for scarring them off. Even before that though we were close as brothers but, I should've known that id lose him too his fuck boy friends. Laurence and Dante are terrible influences on my big brother's, pea sized brain.

*buzz buzz*

I take a glance over to my nightstand to see my phone lit up with notifications.
Instagram, Snapchat, Imessages, Neko Atsume, etc. "Jesus.. what did I miss?" I see aphmau texted me. I swiped my phone open and read the fifteen thousand messages she sent.

Aph: Hey Zane, wanna hang out?
Aph: Zanie pooo
Aph: ZuuuuZuuuu, where r u?
Aph: Cmon Zane answer ur phone I know ur there
Aph: Zane-? Is everything ok?
Aph: ZANE ANSWER ME PLEASE IM WORRRRRIIIIIEEEEEDDD!!!

Me: hello?
Aph: ZANE!! DON'T SCARE ME U FAT LITTLE NUGGET!!
Me: ugh I hate when you call me that, im leavinggg
Aph: WAIT! I'm sorry! Do you wanna hang out with me today?
Me: I can't today. 
I lied without hesitation. It's not that i didn't like Aph, i do. She's my only friend right now, but i just don't feel like getting out. 
Aph: Ugh Zaaaaaaaaane! Stop lying to me!
Me: Im not. :| I have to go tho.. ok? We can hang out some time before christmas break i promise. 
Aph: Ugh ok.. bye then. Ill talk to you later. I hope you do your very important busy tasks. 
Me: uh huh. ttyl. 

"Glad that's over with." I said with a big sigh. Hmm, im feeling inspiration.. fruit! I grab my paints and set up my desk to paint some fruit on a canvas with oil paint. I grabbed my sweatshirt dedicated to making art in, that has plenty of stains on it from previous projects. When i took my shirt off, the mirror stopped me in my tracks. I had to stop and stare at my pale body, noticing all the flaws and imperfections i despised. I turned sideways to look at my chest in the mirror. I wrapped it up tight with some stretchy fabric and duct tape. My brother and his lady friend were getting rowdy again, reminding me how much messing with him made me forget i was miserable. 
"Oh Garroth~ Your little brother is about to ruin your day." I sang and went to snapchat. Thank Irene I know his login. I started recording and walked up to his door. All I could hear was his bed rocking, groans and moans. Disgusting. I opened his door and she was under him in the covers. "Are you wearing protection?" I ask him. The girl screamed of embarrassment.
"Zane-!? What the hell?! Get out-!" I laughed and left the room. I wrote, 'another day, another girl' I posted it on his public story. It wasn't my best caption but it was enough to get the point across. It was like the 3rd girl this week. I heard Vlad yell from the other room. "ew, zane!" Not even a second later my mom yelled from downstairs.
"Zane Allister! Get down here!" You see, when I post those videos, I have a slight snitch. Laurence. Laurence snitches on me because he just hates my guts. I don't even get a second to enjoy the video on the internet. It is instantaneously seen by Laurence, then he texts my mom like a little cry baby. Only because he is Garroth's bitch probably.
"Coming.." I walk down the stairs, already knowing that I am in trouble.
"Did you post another video of your brother's private time on social media again, young man?" She asked with the sternest voice she could make. She knows that I know that she cannot be mean to me.
"Ew- don't say it like that, mom"
"Why did you do that? That is his own private time." 
"This conversation is getting very disgusting. He's only a senior in high school. And because he does it with a different girl almost every other day, I'm teaching him a lesson since you wont. Don't you want him to not become a teen parent when he has the company to run?" I asked sarcastically. 
"I know youre trying to help, but Zane, you just can't do that. If you were still an itty bitty Zuzu id ground you.."
"But im not, and you won't.." I said back quietly.
"Hun, just think about how you would feel if your brother walked in on you wrapping your chest." 
"Mom- be quiet about that- youre still the only person that knows- and my gender is a lot different than being an asshole." 
"Watch your language young man. Just go up to your room. We're done talking about this. I'll deal with your brother, but enough posting it online." She said, fed up with my behavior. I walked up the stairs, passing the girl on her way out. She was crying, and honestly i was too, but not as much as she was. 

The colors of the world were only getting darker by the day.

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AN: i hate this chapter, but i feel like it ties in with the rest of the story to change it so it's a bad start to a very interesting story i promise.