ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: A Mother and Father's Love

Taking a deep breath, Uncle says woefully, "And we wanted to abide by her wishes because it could be her last."

"Wait, why?" I query, lifting an eyebrow in defeat. I begin to sense the worst, my body beginning to tremble as I lock onto my Uncle's gaze in desperation.

"Sweetie, your mother was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a serious bone cancer, a while back, and though she may survive this recurrence, no one knows how long she'll be around. I don't know if you'll ever be able to see her again, so we wanted to take you as soon as possible. She's being transferred to an intensive care medical facility for treatment and care soon, and she wants you to be there with her, even if only for a few days."

Tears begin to prick at my eyes as I choke up on my erratic, nervous breathing. I've never met my mother before and I don't remember anything about her, but simply knowing that she could be gone before I ever get to meet her, tell her it's okay, show her how I've grown, feel her motherly embrace, and her unending love for me, is so scary.

She's made such an impact on my life, despite me not knowing her. I've fought so much, worked so hard, grown up to be the best person I can for the mother and father I've never met, just in the slight chance that if I got to meet them, I'd be a Huang Renjun that they would be so proud to have as a son. That's all I want. I want them to love me even though they didn't raise me, and to be proud of me and how I've grown since I was a helpless baby swaddled in their arms.

"W-we have to g-go n-now, Uncle," I choke out over his shoulder as he hugs me, rubbing my back soothingly, as if I've aged in reverse and I'm the little baby he used to cradle in his arms, raising me as if I was his own son. "I n-need to see them a-at least once in my l-lifetime."

"We will, honey, we will," Auntie soothes, stroking through my hair, "We'll be leaving in a couple of days and staying for another two days. Almost everything is arranged, Renjunnie. Uncle won't be able to make the trip though, because of work, so we have an extra ticket. Would you like to bring a friend? You don't need to if you don't want."

My unruly, desperate sobs begin to subside as my desperation and loss of hope begins to transform to a sense of joy and pure anticipation. I can't wait for the warmth and safety my mother and father's arms, comforting them and letting them know that from now on, I'll always be there for them. I'll be the best son I can be. I want to be by my mother's side, because this may be the only time I'll ever get to see her.

As much as I've been longing for my parent's presence and love in my life--after all, it's created a big, empty void in me for a good part of my childhood--my life lies here in Korea, and as much as I think that I'll love my parents when I meet them, I can't pick up everything and move back to China. I've grown and developed too many parts of my life here; my experiences, my adopted family, my schooling, my true home, but most importantly, my friends. I could never leave them; they were the only people to even partially fill the void left by the absence of my parents. Because of this, I have to make the most of my time back in China with my parents.

Thinking carefully, I consider Auntie Li-Fen's question. Do I want a friend to come along with me? Yes, and no. No, because I want to spend all of my time with my parents and I don't want to wrap up my friends in such a private, familial situation, but at the same time, I want them to see the beautiful land I came from and the beautiful people who call China their home. I would want them to see my family, but then again, is it my place to introduce them to my family and place them in an awkward situation like that?

"No, it's okay. I love them, and I'd love them to experience China with me, but they have other things to attend to. Plus, I want to focus only on Mama and Baba for the time I'm there. But I'll go text them about it now so they know. They've been praying along with me for this day to come," I tell my aunt, grinning in ecstasy. This whole scenario feels so unreal; it's as if I couldn't even conceive that this day would ever come, and now that it's a reality, my mind can't wrap around the idea of it.