June 21st was when I took the first pregnancy test. I took it in the middle of the day and didn't correctly follow instructions, I was stressed and rushing because I was at work, but I took it and waiting in the bathroom I thought I might lose my mind. I saw a line form in the control section of the test. So far so good. Then another line in the circle that was going to determine the rest of my life. One line. No X. Just one line across. As far as I knew in that moment I wasn't pregnant. I called Danny and relayed what I'd found. It was hard to tell him even though I knew it was the news he wanted. My voice broke. I cried. I told him I had to call my mom.
This was also the day I broke down and told my mom everything. I started way back at the beginning of our downward spiral, and traveled through our relationship. I skipped around. Spent more time on some things than others. All in all I relayed almost the entirety of our messy relationship to her while laying on my bedroom floor, crying through most of it. She sat and listened and nodded her head, just letting me talk as long as I needed to.
Time and space was what she said we needed. She didn't tell me what time and space would bring Danny and I but that it was the best advice she could give. I wasn't sure she understood the emptiness that was becoming my life as I became more and more certain I'd lost him. I'd spent so much time moving around as a child, that when I grew up I didn't know how it felt to have someone in your life that you could depend on for so long. I didn't know what it was like to have friends that you wouldn't say goodbye to at the end of each school year. Danny had become one of the few people I knew would be in my life year to year. Knowing that was really over brought me back to being a little kid moving away from my friends. I felt so powerless. Mom had been through through all of my goodbyes though. Maybe space was the best option. This had been her advice the first time he walked out of my life too. Maybe it was time I finally listened to my mom.
YOU ARE READING
The last time
RomanceThis is just another love story that goes wrong, because real love usually does. This time, the story just happens to be true. I thought I'd seen the boy I loved for the last time so many times that when I finally really did, I didn't know what to d...
