your eyes ~ RUEL FAN FIC ~

Ruel's POV

For a while it's beautiful, watching the sky dissolve into night. But then the cold and dark comes and I become twitchy.

"Alira?" I whisper. "You ready to go?"

She doesn't answer for a second and by the light of a nearby streetlight I see she is staring out at the park, eyes glazed over. She stands up. "Yeah, sure."

We get Wilbur back on the leash and begin to walk back across the grass.

"You cold?" I ask, looking at the singlet top she's wearing.

"A bit." She answers quietly.

I pull my hoodie over my head and hand it to her. It feels wrong, weirdly cliche and romantic. I don't want her to get the wrong idea.

She takes it and runs her hands over the material before pulling it on.

"Thanks." Alira murmurs.

"So, I can't help feeling that I don't know much about you." I laugh.

"Yeah, i dont know much about you either."

"Well start with the basics. What's your favourite colour?"

She thinks for a second. "Green. But clear green, like an ocean grotto or fresh cut grass or eyes like-" she looks straight into mine and then looks back at the ground. "Well, what's your favourite colour?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know!? It's one of the most basic becoming friends or meeting people questions, you should remember the answer."

"I've never been that close with people before that I have to remember it for later."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Anyways, green sounds pretty cool."

"Well, what's your favourite... animal."

I laugh. "Wilbur. Not dogs, just specifically Wilbur."

It feels weird speaking this way to someone. Starting at the beginning after we were forced together. I promise myself that we can't get close.

I hope this is a promise I can keep.

"How bout you?" I reply.

"Sheep. Our farm was a sheep farm and I miss them."

"That's so sick. What's your favourite place?"

"School."

"School!?"

"Yeah, I miss my friends."

"You seem to miss a lot of people."

"I do, but more than anything my best friend."

"What was her name?" I ask tentatively.

"It was a he."

"And what was his name?"

"Alex."

"And were you two... romantically involved?"

She stops suddenly and wheels round to face me. 

"Don't say that!" She tries to look mad but she's laughing. 

"So, is that a yes?" I tease.

She slaps me jokingly. "Maybe."

We've run across the park right up to a limestone wall. I jump on top of it, letting go of Wilbur's leash, and tip toe along it.

She jumps up behind and runs along after me. We're both laughing. Im not looking where I'm going so i run straight off the end of the wall and into the soft dewy grass. 

Alira shrieks and falls off landing beside me. We both get up laughing and brushing off the grass. She looks at me and smiles. I smile back.

It all happens too fast. I step towards her and she puts her hands on my chest. I guess we got both lean in because then we're kissing and it's full of everything and yet nothing. I feel the silence press in and fill with something. 

She shoves me off. "Oh my god, I am so sorry..."

The warmth that was spreading had broken with an icy crack.

I look around to check no one saw.

"No, no, it was me, I should not have done that, that was bad, really bad." I stutter.

"Yeah, I'm sorry-"

"Don't be!"

"We both shouldn't have done it, ok, let's... get Wilbur and go home."

I nod in agreement and run away from her to the playground where Wilbur is sniffing around the sand. Grab his leash and walk as slowly as possible back to where she's standing against the wall, head in hands.

I tap her on the shoulder. "You ok?"

She looks up but avoids eye contact. "I'm fine, it was just so stupid."

"I know."

She pulls off my jumper and hands it back to me without a word. I feel kind of hurt but know that she had to do it.

We walk back home and when we get to the garage she turns to me and looks at me sadly. 

"Ruel, I'm so, so sorry. That was so stupid and it was my bad. Can we just... start over? Forget it? Not tell anyone?"

I sigh. "Yeah of course, let's... let's go inside."

As soon as we go in I walk up to my room taking the stairs two at a time. When I get inside I close and lock the door and jump onto the bed. I bury myself under the covers and lie there silently being angry at myself.

Regret, guilt, anger. None of it can describe the atrocity I feel.

"Ruel." Says Mum, banging on my door. "Ruel, are you awake?"

I lie silently, not daring to move. She must think I've fallen asleep because after a few seconds I hear her footsteps go back downstairs.

I sigh and hop out of bed to pick up my acoustic. Putting the strap over my shoulder, I sit back on the bed and start to strum.

It's lonely, tiring work but it gives me something to do. I know I should go talk to Sylvie or call Coco, but embarrassment holds me back.

I keep playing and eventually begin to sing quietly as not to let anyone hear. Snippets of song come and go. It's probably the first time I've sung at home, on my own, wanting more than anything to not be heard.

When I finish and out the guitar back to go to bed, the door creaks open. It's Alira.

"Hey." I murmur.

"You can sing?" She whispers back.

"No, I just, well I can, but just for a hobby, you know?"

"Do you write songs?"

"No- well, yeah. I do."

"Me too."

"Really?! Sing something."

She takes a deep breath and starts to sing. Her voice isn't amazing but it's the words that catch me off guard, in a sweet, sad melody.

"How you gonna act like nothing's wrong, when I see that you been crying..."

I gape at her as she continues to sing and tears form in her eyes. Two words form in my head.

She knows.