Running Wild

Part Eleven, Another Step

In the morning Wanda called, Antoinette's Mother. She asked me if I could come and pick Rae up because she had to get her sister out of the hospital. So I drove over and brought Rae home. As soon as we came back I sat her down on the floor in the living room and she played with her toys. Her favorite was a Penguin, Chris said she calls him Ross. That's maybe the most unfitting name for a penguin I've ever heard, but I wasn't going to argue with a toddler. Moreover because she's named after me for a reason, that would be an endless discussion.
I watched for a few hours until I decided I should look for a job. It was normally Chris' Job to look after her, so I wouldn't be missed as baby sitter. And when I was being honest, I didn't want to live with them anymore than necessary, I want to get my life back together.
I put Rae in the baby carrier and walked alongside the tress of the forest. I knew it wasn't a good Idea, but it was the only way into the inner city. The whole way it felt nostalgic, it felt like in high school. There were eyes upon me, but I didn't know where they came from. What I knew for sure, it weren't Toby's. His would feel calm and would give me the feeling of safety. Not threatening like this.
I missed him. Suddenly Rae kicked in the air with her feet and laughed.
    "I know how you feel, honey." I sighed and touched her little fingers with mine. She held onto my index finger and that's how we continued to walk.

In the inner city, we started with the convenience store, she mostly lead me through the halls, grabbing the things she wanted. As we went to pay for the things the cashier smiled brightly.
    "Hello sunshine. Well, who are you with today?" She seemed to know Rae.
    "I'm her Aunt." I said as she looked at me. She read the price tags and tapped on the numbers on the register.
    "Well, then say hello to Chris for me." She said smiling. I looked down at her name sign.
    "Uh, Karen? Do you perhaps know if someone in this area needs a helping hand? I'm Job hunting right now." She tapped in the last price.
    "You're lucky, Angela is looking for someone right now. She runs the Vinyl Shack down the street. You should talk to her." She put the groceries in a paper bag and I paid for them.
    "Thank you." I said and took the bag.
    "Thank you, and come again." She answered and waved Rae.

I went directly to the Vinyl Shack that Karen was talking about and talked to Angela. She was a dark skinned Woman in der mid thirties, she wore long orange pants and a blue shirt, she reminded me strongly of the late 70s. I asked her about the job and she said I was the first to talk about it with her. It wasn't a great job, just sorting Vinyls and CD's by Name and being at the Register. I accepted it and she told me to start the day after. Everything went smoothly and we walked home again.
There was a feeling that I couldn't shake off on our way next to the forest. I thought about walking next to the trees and bushes, but I had Rae with me. What if someone followed me and took his chance as soon as I walked deeper inside? Rae started to kick the air again and to grab with her hands. She wanted to touch one of the bushes we walked next to.
    "You shoul-ldn't let her near the woods s-so easily." I heard behind me. He almost gave me a heart attack. I turned around to look at him, and it was really Toby. I thought I would never see him again, that I would leave him behind with everything that happened. He had that look in his eyes, of weariness and lust, maybe blood lust.
    "What are you doing here?" I asked him and hoped no one would come this way any time soon.
    "I knew y-you were going to r-run away, but now you're h-haunting me. Appearing in my dreams, t-telling me to find you." He came so close that he looked down on me. I was scared of what he would do next, Rae was still with me. I couldn't live with it if something happened to her. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him gently aback.
    "Calm down, we'll talk later, alright? I'll bring her home and- and then we'll talk." I've never been so afraid of him. Without a word he walked away. He's never been like this, never when we were together.
I hurried home and called the baby sitter Chris told me, if something came up. An hour later I drove with the truck down to the forest road where hunter parked their jeeps and trucks while they were out. I drove a bit further into the green and waited, it didn't take Toby long to find out where I was. As soon as we stood in front of each other, I knew his mind was clear again.
    "Are you a-afraid of me?" He walked up to me. His voice sounded so wounded and hurt. As he stood in front of me again, I glanced at his lips. I thought of all those dreams in which he kissed me before he brought me death and pain. Is that what you call trauma?
Suddenly I felt his hand on my cheek and upper throat. Not hurting me, caressing me. I twitched. He looked at my eyes and then at my lips. I knew he was coming closer, so I closed my eyes like a little girl being afraid of the monsters at night.
Other than I thought, he didn't eat me up or hurt me. He gave me a short kiss and then he looked at me. As I opened my eyes again I saw his sad face.
    "What hap-pened to you? You're trembling bec-cause of a k-kiss. Where has your spirit gone?" He continued to caress my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. I touched his lips with my fingers.
    "Somewhere here." He raised his chin and looked down at me.
    "Then g-get it back." I laughed under my breath.
    "I don't want it, I finally got rid of it. Of the wild side. I'm back to where I belong and it's comfortable." I smiled at him.
    "But it's not home." He said, and it imprinted on me. He gave me another short kiss before he let me go.
    "Think about it. I'll see you again." That's all he said before he left. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I was tired.