My Ruin

34. Again and Again

ASHANTI

I decided to clean up before I went to go see Lamonte.

You know... just in case.

Some part of me felt wrong for going back to Lamonte after just breaking up with Trey. I mean we never went beyond kissing, but I am sure we were in a committed relationship.

He was there for me throughout the pregnancy so far and always took care of me, it felt like a betrayal.

But I had to do what was right for me and I just couldn't deny what I was feeling any longer and Trey would've never been happy with me while my heart belonged to someone else just like he said himself.

I drove to his house as quickly as I could and as I drew closer my heart was banging in my chest.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

I felt the butterflies bubbling in my stomach and my palms became sweaty.

I pulled up in front of his house and I waited in the car to get my bearings in order.

I took a few deep breaths and found myself standing in front of his door.

What if he doesn't want me back?

That's ridiculous. Why would he straight up say that he loves me on national television and not want me back?

I knocked on the door and waited a few minutes, which felt like eternity, for him to answer the door.

He opened the door with a wide smile all over his face.

I took pleasure in how good he looked just as always.

He stepped aside so that I could get in.

We stayed silent for a moment as we maintained distance.

I couldn't decipher his facial expression anymore, it was completely blank.

He seemed almost shy, maybe even vulnerable.

I walked to him cautiously and placed my hand on his cheek as he leaned into my touch. We continued to stare into each other's eyes.

I wanted to look away but it was one of those stares where you just couldn't.

It was like I was stuck.

I wanted him more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.

But I was still hesitant.

The last time I was this impulsive, I got pregnant out of it.

I didn't want to think it through, I wanted to jump his bones and be with him in every way possible.

I inched closer and closer to his face.

Our lips merely millimeters apart.

I closed the distance between us.

It was soft and slow at first, but knowing Lamonte and I, things got heated very quickly.

His tongue was in my mouth and my tongue was in his.

He devoured me and consumed me whole.

He had me right where he wanted me for the umpteenth time, but I honestly didn't care.

Whenever I was around Lamonte all rationality went out the window and you would think I'd understand that by now.

When I am around him I am carefree and I feel like there are no problems in the world or that nothing could hurt me.