𝟓𝐬𝐨𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐕𝐨𝐥.𝟏

Don't die on me (Ashton Irwin Angst)

I get out of the room, gasping for air as I collapse on the floor, letting myself cry my heart out. I bring my knees to my chest, sobbing at the thought of living without him. Especially now that I know he loves me. Now that I get to finally have him. He can't die. If there is God, Ashton will not be taken away from me.
"(Y/N)?" Calum kneels down next to me, followed by the rest of the guys. A nurse rushes to me as well, kneeling down to check on me.
"He can't die. No... He can't." I mumble, unable to move from the floor.
"He won't. He will be fine and we will be thinking about this day and laugh about it. He will be fine." Sierra kneels in front of me, holding my face in her hands.

--

Luke hands me a cup of coffee, taking a seat next to me in the waiting room.
"You should go back home and rest a bit. Eat, have a shower, sleep. Maybe go to work. He won't wake up anytime soon." Luke whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shake my head no, taking a sip of my coffee.
"I am not leaving. Not until he wakes up. I have taken some personal days off work and I paid one of the nurses to let me shower in the changing room. And your girlfriend shoves food down my throat every 10 minutes. I am fine. You should head home. All of you. If something happens, I will call you." I state, pointing to the people sleeping on the chairs of the waiting room.
"No one is leaving. We are here until he wakes up." He says.
"It's been 3 days. Go home for an hour or two. Take care of Petunia. Maybe bring me some clothes to change." I reach in my pocket for my keys, handing them to him. He looks at me and sighs, nodding his head.
"We will be back in a few hours." He sighs, getting up to wake Sierra up.
"I'll call you if anything happens." I rest back on my chair, keeping my cup close to my face for warmth.

I manage to rest my eyes for about 20 minutes before Calum tries to throw his jacket on me to warm me up. I groan and sit up, watching him sit down on the chair next to me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." He apologizes, smiling softly.
"It's alright. I didn't need more sleep." I brush it off. I look around me, finding that the rest of the gang is gone, except Ashton's mother, who flew over to be here for her son.
"They will be back in a couple of hours. I convinced them to take shifts being here, so we can rest a bit."
"I am staying all day. No shifts." I reply and he nods.
"I figured. So I told everyone to come over with decent food and good coffee for you. But you will wilt if you keep doing that." He sighs.
"It will be over when he wakes up. I will get better when he does." I reply. Calum nods his head, rubbing his eyes.
"What did he tell you? When you got into the room... You were the last person he spoke to before the surgeries, before the comma." He asks me, turning his body so he can look at me.
"He told me he loves me. And I told him I do too. And then I told him he needs to get better so he can take me on a date. He loves me." I feel my eyes brim with tears.
"He finally told you? That took him a while..." Calum laughs, rubbing his thumb over my hand.
"You knew?" I ask and he chuckles.
"Practically everyone but you knew. He will be fine. He has to, now that he knows you two have a chance together. He won't let that go to waste. He loves you." Calum comforts me. I lean my head on his shoulder, smiling at the thought of spending a life with him.

--

I never thought I would have to go through this. I never thought I would be walking behind his casket, followed by every single one of his friends and family. I tried to cover my puffy eyes with a pair of sunglasses, but it is more than obvious that I am sobbing under them. His mom looks devastated, on the verge of collapsing. Parents are not supposed to be burying their children.
Calum, Luke, and Michael are sticking together, trying to soothe themselves while Sierra and Crystal try to comfort Lauren and Harry. I asked them to leave me alone. They didn't obey me. So, then I snapped. I told them I would beat their asses if they even think to come near me during the funeral.

Ashton never got out of the comma; the doctors told us after 40 days that the chances for him to wake up are slim to none. For 40 days, no one dared leave the hospital for more than 2 hours, no one had the courage. For 40 days, we held our breaths and prayed silently. But he had no signs of brain activity. So, his mother decided that since he didn't show any signs of getting better, Ashton would have to get off of life support. We gathered inside his room, all of us crying, all of us cursing fate for that. The doctors talked us through the procedure, step by step. But I never got a moment, just me and him. I didn't get to hold him as he breathed his last breath. I didn't get to comfort him in his last moments. I never got my love story with him.
I watch as they lower the casket in the ground. I watch as everyone goes silent, as they throw flowers in his grave.
They never caught the person or people who did that to him. At least not until now. But they have no leads, so it might as well be a dead end.
I feel dissociated from all of this like I am having an out-of-body experience while the man I have been loving for so long is buried.
Like all of this is just a dream.
All of this is just a dream.
This is just a dream.
Just a dream.
A dream.

"Baby, baby, wake up..." I am shaken by Ashton.
I open my eyes, finding him hovering over me as he grabs me by my shoulder, shaking me out of sleep. I gasp for air, reaching to touch his face, his skin, to realize he is here, flesh and bones, alive, breathing and existing. That I am not into a Black Mirror episode or shit.
"You are here..." I gasp, feeling myself sweating.
"I am here, baby." He places a hand on my bulging stomach, stroking my baby bump.
"It was a dream..." I sigh, hugging him close to my body.
"Did you see that I died again?" He asks, handing me the glass of water on the bedside table.
"Yeah, I saw you never woke up from the comma." I reply after I take a sip of water.
"But I did, baby. I woke up and I am fine. It was just a nightmare." He reminds me, leaving a kiss on my forehead.
"You are fine, I am fine, the baby is fine." I remind myself, resting back on my pillow.
"Everyone's fine. I promise." He plants a kiss on my lips before he brings his lips to my belly, leaving a kiss on it too.
"Will you cuddle me back to sleep?" I ask and he hums, wrapping his arm around my waist, palm resting below my belly button.
"Wanna hear the prettiest story?" He asks and I purr in approval.
"It is about how I got the prettiest girl in the world to become my wife." He whispers, kissing my shoulder blade.