Delirium

.seven

Sept 6th

Vomiting fucking sucks. Hangovers suck. But when you overdose... It's like you're fucking dying. Maybe because you technically are.

I never mean to overdose on the drugs I take but so frequently do I mix things that shouldn't be mixed and have too much of a certain drug. I can't help it, the highs are getting too weak for me.

Elliot explained tolerance to me and how I'm probably becoming more tolerant of the drugs I'm taking but I don't want that to fucking happen. I hate how I have to increase the dosage just to feel the same high.

Fuck my body.

I've overdosed and I'm not a fan. You're puking all over the ground because your body is trying to "save" you from your fucking dumb mistake. I remember I was trembling on the bathroom floor and everything was fading away. I remember my heart feeling as if was going to explode and I couldn't even call out for Elliot. My throat wouldn't work.

I also remember that pain fading away into something more serene. Something tranquil. It was probably my body shutting down but as I was slipping under, I didn't feel anything anymore. It was nice.

I don't remember much after I had passed out but Elliot had told me that he needed to piss, and it was taking me a long fucking time. He told me that I wouldn't answer when he had called out for me so he had forced the door open. He had called the ambulance and Elliot doesn't fucking do that. He would never call 911 because it would've been dangerous if they recognized his face. I think though, at that moment, he didn't even care about that. He was so terrified that I wouldn't make it, that he had risked his freedom just to save me. Obviously, he would never admit that, but oh well. I know the truth.