Delirium

.fourteen

"Carter... Carter wake up."

The sixteen-year-old shook at the older one, his fingers trembling involuntarily as he did. He didn't want to just leave without telling Carter. He didn't want him to worry about where he had gone and yet a voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that Carter would be worried even if he did alert him. Maybe it was just for Cyan. Maybe he was doing it so he could have the knowledge that he had said his goodbyes...

Just in case something happened to him.

"Cyan...?" Carter groaned out, his voice heavy with sleep and his eyes barely able to fully open. He grabbed his phone, light illuminating his face as he looked at the time with a scowl. "Cyan it's three in the morning, go back to bed."

"I can't."

With confusion and a hint of annoyance on his face, Carter scooted back on the full-size bed and lifted up the blanket. He motioned for Cyan to come and lay down in the empty space and Cyan obeyed almost immediately. Climbing into the bed, Cyan felt the heavy blanket drop onto him and Carter's arm going around him.

"Did you have a nightmare or something?" Carter asked softly, yawning and closing his eyes.

"No. I..." Cyan stopped for a moment. "Carter, don't be mad. Please."

Cyan could see a frown etched its way on Carter's face through the darkness, his eyes opening back up. This time, he was paying more attention.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because of what I'm about to do."

"Cyrus," Carter warned, the fact that he used Cyan's real name causing the male to sit up and curl back into himself. The trembling was getting worse and briefly, Cyan wondered if he should just tell Carter to forget everything and the both of them go back to sleep.

"Carter, I have to go. I can't do this anymore, I can't stay..."

Carter also sat up, reaching over and turning in the lamp next to his bed, his brows knitted in confusion as he stared at Cyan.

"What the hell do you mean you're leaving? Leaving where?"

"I don't know," Cyan admitted.

"You want to.... run away? Why?"

For a while, Cyan didn't say anything, suddenly finding the threads on Carter's sheets more intriguing than this conversation. Yet, the moment that he had felt Carter place his hand on his head and through his hair....the moment that he had felt Carter wrap his free hand around his waist and pull him close to his chest with the most protective hold that he hadn't felt since his mother.

Cyan wanted to break down.

"L-let me go." He tried to say, trying to act strong even if Carter's caring attitude was killing him inside. He couldn't care because if he did, Cyan wouldn't be able to leave. "I need to do this Carter. You don't know how it feels Carter. You don't know how moving home to home feels because your first home actually wanted you. T-they wanted you."

Cyan felt tears gather behind his eyes, his stomach dropping and the familiar sick feeling churning in it. He had been crying all night before he had come in Carter's room and he thought that he had run out of tears. He didn't want to break down right now. Not like this.

"Cyan, what happened?"

Cyan laughed bitterly at the question, squeezing his eyes closed because tears were threatening to spill. What happened? He couldn't even keep his voice from breaking and trembling with his next sentence. "I-I heard t-them. They're sending me back Carter. They don't want me anymore and they're sending me to another home again and I don't want that. I don't want to leave again. I don't want fake parents showing me love until they get bored of me. -I don't want to be a toy, something that's shiny and pretty when they first get is but as soon as it's even broken in the slightest, they throw it away."