"What about me?" (Joshua Hong)

Now

《JOSHUA》

  We celebrated Woozi's funeral first, we traveled down to Busan. Woozi's parents did a speech, then an additional speech. Given by Hoshi. "He was known as a member, a producer, a vocalist, a leader. But he was so much more than that. He was family. It's sad that's he gone, but if he was here, I know he would say; 'Get up lazy, you got songs to make, charts to rise up on, choreography to slay.' We know you are watching us Woozi, we will make you proud. We love you." Hoshi says wiping his tears.

  Jeonghan's was followed a few days after that, in Hwaseong. His sister and mom gave a speech. Seungcheol was his designated Seventeen speaker. "Yoon Jeonghan, the groups mother and angle, 1004. He was a sweetheart, always caring and loving towards others, can always make you feel better. You truly are a wingless angel Yoon Jeonghan. We love you and Miss you." Seungcheol says, I could tell how wrecked he was, but tried to stay strong.

Seungkwan's funeral was held the next week in Jeju. His mother and sisters cried, Seungcheol comforted them the best he could. Vernon gave his speech. "Boo Seungkwan, God blessed us to be alive at the same time as him, he was the mood maker of the group. He was the rookie entertainer of 2018. He was hardworking, and put his heart into singing. Seungkwan was my best friend. We will all miss him, and he will miss us." Vernon says, Seungkwan's mother hugged Vernon tightly.

  Dk's funeral was held in Suji-gu, Yongin-si, Gyeonggi-do. It was raining that day, the members knew how hard this was for me, they gave me my space by letting me have my own umbrella. I look and see 2 members of each unit shared an umbrella. We were now 9, we're still uneven. If I was gone it would be easier, they would have been 8. They would be even.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by, Seungcheol telling me it was my turn to give me speech. I wheeled myself up, infront of everyone. "Lee Seokmin. He was the happy virus, the literal sun. He liked to spend his life cheerfully, and to make others feel energetic. He would never fail to make someone, smile, laugh or feel better. He has an amazing voice, and personality, I just wish he was more confident in himself. We shall miss you Dk." I say.

We then head back to Seoul to present their tombstones. It was still raining. Each member who gave a speech, put down a bouquet of flowers. They all looked at me, waiting for me to drop my flowers at Dk's grave. "C-C-Can I have some alone time plz, I'll meet you guys back at the car." I say, Seungcheol nods and escorts the rest of the members leave me alone. I stare at the gravestone.

I try and stand up but end up falling down to my knees. "I will keep my promise. I will live for you, I will live in honor of all of you, for the vocal team. But why would I be the one to live, It should have been one of you guys, I don't have a real purpose here." I say tears pooling in my eyes. "I can't do this!" I cry hugging the tombstone. "Come back plz. God I'll do anything!" I scream.

  I feel a tape on my shoulder, I look up to see Mingyu, or at least I think it was Mingyu, my tears clouded my vision. Mingyu bends down and hugs me. "I know it's hard. I know you may seem like you can't do it." He says caressing my back. "And that you want to give up." "And that you feel all alone, with no one to turn to." He says pulling away to look me in the eyes. "You are not alone Joshua, we are here for you." He says turning to the side as I saw the rest of the members there.

The all approach and we share a group hug with me in the middle. "You can do this. We believe in you." Jun says. "Thank you all." I smile.

《END OF PART 3》