That One Lie

14th Lie - Simon

Simon

"I can't believe this is how I'm gonna find you, Anya." I mumbled while looking at the girl in black lacy dress sitting in front of the coffin full of flowers. Her red hair stands out even more, so it wasn't too hard looking for her.

I silently offered my prayers then I sit at the farthest row, away from Anya.

"Hindi pa rin nagbabago yang si Anya. Tingnan mo, namatay na at lahat ang mama nya, ni hindi man lang makitang umiyak." Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Anya. Yes, her eyes are not even red but the cheerful Anya I know, even if its pretentious, is nowhere in sight right now.

"Eh diba nung namatay din yung papa nya sa car accident, hindi rin naman umiyak yang batang yan?"

"May sakit na pala si Armie, nagpilit pa rin na mag-aral sa malayo imbes na dito na lang mag-aral at tumulong sa bakery nila. Naku, siguro mabuti na rin at wala ng sakit ng ulo si Armie."

Why is it so easy for them to say that? Yun ba ang totoong Anya na gusto kong malaman? Eto na ba yun? Why do I feel angry instead of feeling triumphant?

I heard a lot of things while sitting here for an hour. Mostly, bad things about Anya. Is this the reason why she wanted to live somewhere far from here wherein no one knows about her?

After thirty minutes more, I decided to stand up and walk towards her. Hindi ako nakapag practice ng comforting words but I doubt she needs it anyway. Hindi kasi weak ang pagkakakilala ko kay Anya.

"Condolence."

Ni hindi man lang ako tiningnan ni Anya pero tumango naman sya. Nakatitig lang sya sa portrait ng mommy nya. Nakangiti sila parehas sa picture. Maganda at mukhang mabait ang mommy nya. I remember Anya's face along with her trained smile. They resemble except that her mother's smile looks genuine and pleasing. Will she look the same without that trained smile of hers?

Naupo ako sa tabi nya. Hindi naman sya umusod. Hindi rin nya ko tiningnan o tinanong. Sya lang kasi ang mag-isang nakaupo sa harap. Lahat ng tao sa likod sya ang topic.

"Let me offer you two lies."

This time, she can't help but look at me. I saw recognition from her eyes. Mukhang kilala pa rin naman pala nya ko.

"How did you even find this place? How did you find me?"

I'm not sure if I'm mistaken but I think her eyes sparkled? Her voice sounds relieved to me as well, as if she's glad to see me. Pero baka akala ko lang pala yun.

"It's not even the end of the school year. Ang unfair mo naman kung basta basta ka na lang mawawala. You are not yet allowed to disappear from my life. You're not yet allowed to forget me."

"Mas mabuti pang humanap ka na lang ng ibang subject of observation. I decided to give up the pretentions and live a life that's more suitable to me. I've been lying to the entire world my whole life. I lie when I smile. I lie when I make friends. I lie to myself that I'm fine every single day when I'm not."

"That's why I'd like to offer you two lies. Which one would you be willing to take?"

"I have enough of it. Why are you offering me more? I don't need it."

"It's a lie that will make you feel better. A lie wherein you will not feel alone again."

"I'll take care of my things so just forget about me. Don't waste your time in this boring countryside and also me."

I gave her two lies. Anya thought it was a joke. Well, I'm not.

* * *

"That Anya, don't get involved with her." Bahagya akong nagulat sa biglang pagsulpot ni Alice paglabas ko sa mourning room. Nakasandal sya sa pader at nakahalukipkip. She really looks like a mean brat right now.

Sumama sya dito dahil kay Nana. Kaya pala kasi umiiyak si Nana dahil namatay ang mama ni Anya na malapit pala sa kanya. Si Nana naman ang katabi ni Anya ngayon.

"Why?"

"She's a very cold person. Hindi yan nakakaramdam ng kahit ano."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at her. Mukha ba yan ng namatayan ng nanay? She's all alone right now. The only remaining family she has is now dead pero parang ordinaryong araw lang sa kanya."

"Every person is different, Alice. We never know how she mourns. Don't say that."

"I doubt that. I told you. She's that kind of person. Ah, I remember one same scenario. Bata pa kasi ako nun pero balitang balita dito yun nung time na yun. That a dog died while crossing the street. Bigla na lang kasing nagtatakbo kaya nawala sa pagkakahawak nung amo nya. It was right in front of her, the bloody dog. Pero sa lahat ng taong nandun, sya lang yung walang reaksyon. Kaya nga sya naging bali-balita sa ilang online sites, criticizing her. Ewan ko ba naman kay Nana kung bakit lagi na lang nandyan sa kabilang bahay."

"Kabilang bahay?"

"You don't know? Dun sa katapat nating Victorian house nakatira yun. Sabagay hindi mo ata sya nakita kasi hindi lumalabas mula nung nag dropout ata sa school. Narinig ko lang na sabi ni Nana kasi nga laging andun sa kabila. Hay nako!"

I was looking for her all week and yet andito lang pala sya malapit. Ironic. I was curious about Alice's story, so I looked for clues and managed to find that article about her. May picture nga na stolen shot nya. She really looked expressionless while looking at the dog. Wait, wasn't that the same expression when I saw her with the cat?

Ilang araw na ang nakakalipas after ng funeral yet I'm still here in the countryside. Hindi ko na nakita si Anya after that. Nauubusan na ko ng idea kung pano makakalapit sa kanya dahil hindi lumalabas ng bahay.

"Simon, ilang araw ka ng hindi pumapasok ah! You were supposed to be back last week pa! Nauubusan na ko ng palusot kay Miss Cherry! Bumalik ka na nga dito!" Archer called me.

"Dude, I think I have to stay here."

"Ano?? Hindi pwede! Mababaliw ka dyan! Kilala kita, hindi mo kayang tumira dyan. Come back here kung ayaw mong isumbong kita kay tita!"

"I have to, Archer. You don't have to do anything. Just let me stay here. Ako na ang bahala kay mommy."

"Panong studies mo?"

"I'm gonna dropout."

"You're crazy!"

"I won't be left behind. I will still take the year end exam. Pwede naman yun. As long as I can pass the exam, I don't need to repeat a year. Hindi ko lang talaga pwedeng ipagbaliban to."

There's a long silence after that.

"As if naman may magagawa pa ko. Lagi mo naman ginagawa ang gusto mo diba? Iisipin ko na lang na hindi naman to ang first time na aalis ka bigla. At least this time, you told me you're leaving."

"Ang drama mo. Kasama ko naman lola mo. Tawag tawagan na lang kita."

"Mahihirapan akong pumunta dyan every weekend kaya naman sa second term break na lang tayo magkita."

"Okay."

That's when I decided that I must make sure she takes one of those lies.