My Ruin

32. Hurting You

I could learn to love Trey, it wouldn't be hard.

I grab his neck and press my lips up against his. I start kissing him passionately and he kissed me back without question.

He wrapped both his arms around my body and lifts me up on the countertop.

He cups my cheek and he takes control of the kiss as he stands between my legs.

We seemed to always be in this position.

I thought back to our first real date when everything seemed so simple.

That day seemed like forever ago when in reality, it was only two months ago.

I put my hand under his shirt, feeling his ripped muscles.

He pulled away from me before things could go any further and we were both panting for breath.

"I'm sorry," Trey apologized.

"What are you apologizing for?," I questioned.
It goes silent for a while.

"Let's just have dinner," he says changing the subject.

Why did he keep pulling away from me?

It's like he's resisting or as if he doesn't really want to do anything with me.

"No! Screw the dinner," I yelled.

He turned to face me as he raised an eyebrow obviously intrigued by my outburst.

"Why do you keep pulling away from me?," I asked.

"Do you not find me attractive?," I continue to question.

He stepped close to me and backed me up against the edge of the counter as he whispered in my ear, "Don't you ever think I'm not attracted to you. It's been taking all of my will power to resist you ever since I've known you. I've wanted to rip your clothes off and give you all of me in multiple ways but I can't."

His minty fresh breath tickled on my skin and sent tingles throughout my body.

"Why can't you? It's not like I haven't given you opportunities," I spoke.

"I told you before that I wouldn't do it while you still had feelings for that other guy. You obviously still have feelings for him. I can't help but wait until you realize that I'm here for you. I need you to be sure that I'm the one you want before things go any further," he spoke in a soft tone.

"You have no idea how much it kills me that you're having his baby," he whispered.

I could hear the pain and sadness in his voice and I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

Even though, he always seemed so relaxed and happy, I was hurting him.

He was taking care of me and the thought of me having someone else's baby was taunting him inside.

I was so fucking selfish and throughout this entire time, I hadn't been thinking about his needs at all.

I knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's your baby too and it's apart of you. I will be here—," he continued.

I interrupted him and I stated, "No, Trey! All you have done is be here for me and tend to my needs. I haven't thought about you and I've been selfish. You need to be with someone who is all in for you and I can't be, not when I'm carrying Lamonte's baby. You are the most amazing man I have ever met and you have been there for me even though, it was hurting you. I'm not going to put you through this anymore."

I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes and they began to roll down my cheek.

He didn't say anything but he wiped my tears and stared into my eyes intently.

"Nobody forced me to stay with you. I stayed because I wanted to and I will be here because I feel like you're it for me," he breathed as he smiled at me.

"I can't keep hurting you. You deserve better, Trey. We have to break up," I spoke but my voice cracked.

I ran to my car as fast as my feet could take me and I sped off.

I couldn't give all of myself to Trey because I still loved Lamonte.

No matter how hard I tried to push it down or make it go away there was always this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I don't love Trey like I love Lamonte, but why did it hurt so much to know that it was over?

I felt hopeless, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

He could live his life and be happy without my baggage weighing him down.

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