Unfixable fixing

Chapter One

I brought out my phone from my pocket to check if i have any message notifications, which will be of course from either my father, aunts or uncle.

I have no friends and i don't plan on having any.

I have only 5 contacts, and i like it like that.

I have two iMessage notifications, one from my dad and the other my aunt, my mums younger sister.

Abhi💙; Assalamu Alaikum Samir, Kaifa haluk? mataa sataeud? (Assalamu Alaikum Samir, How are you? When are you coming back?)

I smiled, he is so amazing, the best one could ever ask for, i reply:

Me; Alhamdulillah Abhi ana bikhair, wa anta? Al'an. (Alhamdulillah father I'm fine, and you? Just now.)

And the second message read;

Aunt Sarah💓: Habibi how are you? When will you come over? Your Aunt misses you.

I crack a smile, she's so sweet and she's my favorite, she has been there for me through thick and thin and I'll forever be grateful for her.

Me; Madam S, Samir misses you more and in shaa Allah I'll visit this weekend.

And just as i am about to put my phone back in my pocket the Adhaan of maghrib is heard, i press the volume button to silence it and quickly grab all my things and walk out of the park.

The almost dark sky, with some countable stars and a stray of orange i can't help but snap the view, it reminds me about a lot of things, and i cherish memories.

I arrive at the small masjid and perform ablution before walking inside the mosque, the imam arrive and we prayed together, even my father is here.

We finish praying, i did my evening azkhar and stood up to pray 2 nafl.

"Samir habibi, where have you been?" My father asks with his funny accent, you see my father is Egyptian, which makes him Arabian and him speaking English?! You don't wanna hear.

"Basketball field Abhi." I held his hands and we both walk out of the masjid and to the direction of our house.

He sigh; "Samir ibni(my son) stop drowning yourself in that, ya'ani it's not even healthy for you." I wound my arms around his shoulders, "Don't worry father, I'll get over it soon in shaa Allah, i have you." I crack a smile at him and he smiled back and hug me, i hugged him back.

"Ana bihibbak habibi(I love you habibi)" He pulled away; "Wa ana kaman Abhi(me too father)" And we walk inside our home.

*

"Tea or coffee Abu Samir(Samir's father)?" Mama Zainab asks from the door, me and my dad are sitting in the living room watching news.

Mama Zainab is... my nanny? Yea lol, she used to be tho, but now she's my step mum, my dad married her after almost a year of her taking care of us, i couldn't be more grateful to her, she's such an amazing human, and she has kinda helped my dad in a way.

Allah yarhamhum(Allah bless her).

Yeah well, i am Arabian, because my dad is, he is Egyptian, which also makes me Egyptian, my mum is British tho.

My dad met my mum in London and they got married and stayed in London, which makes me— us with my siblings the citizens of London.

I had two siblings, we were a family of five.

"Tea please, this old man can't take coffee in the night." My father says with a chuckle, Mama Zainab chuckled too, "What about you my son?" She asks me, "I can help myself, thank you." She smiles at me and leave.

We continue watching in silence, Mama Zainab brought his tea.

"Lemme go get some coffee." I said while attempting to stand up, "La!(no), you're still underage." Abhi says with a smirk, i scoff, "I beg to differ, i am 18."

"In few months, so you're still underage." I roll my eyes at him and walk to the kitchen to make some tea then.

Apparently my parents think you have to be an adult to take coffee, who does that?

I will be 18 in few months time in shaa Allah, my dad will get me another camera, he made it a routine every year, well... he got me one on my graduation day, yes i graduated high school a week ago i think.

I finish making the tea with croissant and sat on the kitchen island to munch it, while thinking about anything.

Still in deep thought, i hear my phone ringing from a far, i ignore it because i am lost in my thoughts.

Someone snap their fingers in front of me; "Earth to Samir." She nudge my shoulders, i shake my head and blink my eyes; "What are you thinking so hard about?" Mama Zainab asks, i clear my throat putting my tongue under my lower lip; "Nothing much."

She doesn't look convince tho but she smiled at me nonetheless: "Of course, your phone has been ringing." I nod before fishing out the phone.

2 missed calls from Aunt Sarah💓

Ugh! She can be very annoying a times, can't she leave me alone for once? I roll my eyes and call her, she picks immediately after the first ring.

"Hello my child, how are you? Why didn't you pick my calls? Are you okay?" She rants and i sigh, "Madam S, i am fine, and for the love of Allah i am not a child so quit treating me like one."

"I know you're not, i just don't want... you know history to repeat it self." She whispers, i swallowed back a lump in my throat; "Is that all you want to say? I gotta go sleep." I didn't intend to, but my voice still sounds rude.

"I called to check on you, I hope you feel better soon in shaa Allah, I love you Samir." She says in a low voice and i just disconnect the call.

For once, just once can they stop treating me like a goddamn child? Why on earth do they expect me to just forget it? I'm only human, i have feelings and i feel emotion too.

I just want them to stop saying 'it's all gonna be alright.' I want them to tell me that it's okay to feel pain, it's okay to let it out, it's okay to dribble your thoughts away, is it that hard? Am i that hard to understand?

The first tear slip out of my eye, i forcefully wipe it, i roughly stood up to go to my room.

"I'm going to sleep Abhi, sleep well." I smile at him, i don't want to worry him he is emotionally and physically not stable as well.

"Okay ibni, 'tusbihina ala khair(okay my son, good night)." He says, "Goodnight."

And i walk upstairs to my room, it's not that big but big enough for me, the single bed, study table, closet and bathroom, it's enough for me, my father isn't that rich, we're middle class but he still provides whatever i want, he has never let me down, May the Almighty continue to bless him.

I change my cloths, putting the ones i remove in the laundry basket, i enter the bathroom, did my business and perform wudhu to pray Isha.

Once i finish praying i lie down on my bed and switch on my laptop to watch Assim Alhakims da'awah videos on you tube.

I don't even know if i finish watching the sermon or not because darkness consumed me.

I hate sleep(s).

********
Well😂 first chapter is down!!

Like it? Hate it?!

How are you all beautiful readers?❤️

I know you might find Samir annoying, but bare with him, the poor kid is going through a lot, you'll know what soon😉

Thank you.

Malika🥂

**
So I woke up to the most devastatingly bad news on the 21st September 2019, a friend of mine (more like a brother) lost his mum, May The Almighty forgive her and grant her jannah, please do pray for her, thank you xx

May Allah continue to make it easy on you Hamada, I love you☺️💕