Next Step - Logan henderson fanfic

Part 42:

Part 42:
"You are lying !!!! He CAN'T BE DEAD!!!! HE IS ALIVE!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!" I yelled at the doctor and tears were all over my face, I could tell that I saw a tear on James's eye too after all he was his best friend.
"I'm sorry madam, I'm really sorry" the doctor softly said trying to comfort me.
"NOOO!!! You're not sorry cause he can't be dead!!!! HE CAN'T !!!!" I kept yelling, james was quiet and sad but I was too shocked and sad to talk to him.
I never thought it will end up like that.
"What's going on?! How does he feel?!" Carlos came with Alexa and asked concerned.
"We are sorry, we just found out he didn't survive the surgery and died," James answered and looked down .
"No way!!!! NO NO NO!!! It can't be real!!" Carlos was shocked and Alexa started to cry. Eventually we were all crying and trying to comfort each other, I called kendall and told him to come over the hospital and he came in a few minutes, we told him the bad news and he was shocked and couldn't move, he couldn't believe he lost his best friend , James and Carlos were crying with him and they couldn't find a consolation at all. I could feel the pain, I couldn't believe he is not with us anymore and it all BECAUSE OF ME!!!
How can I be so stupid?! I should have ran after him and don't let him do it, this is all my fault! I should die instead of him! I'm the one who hurt him and james as well, each time. I HATE myself!!!! I sat there next to James , he was holding my hand and tried to comfort me but I just cried like I cried when Logan left me in the first place, when he left me down on the floor after hurting me, I cried even louder cause I knew I will never see him again! This time is FOREVER!
"Y/N , please come with me" James handed me his hand and asked me to get up and follow him.
"James I'd prefer to be alone" I said between crying.
He hugged me tight and I hugged him back and cried into his chest.
"We will go through this.." He said in the hug.
"I don't believe you!" I responded.
"Why do u tell that ?"
"Cause you promised me that he will be ok and he IS DEAD!! " I said the last words louder and left his arms, I ran out of the hospital , I took a taxi and went home.
I crashed my body on my bed and sighed. I cried myself to sleep , and it was just noon.
I'm mad at James ! He can't stand behind his promises!!! Logan is gone, forever... And he will always stay in my heart, I'll never forget the first time I knew about him when I was 14 years old, when BTR started on nickelodeon , he always made me laugh and feel better, and when I first saw you live , I mean when I met you, he was so adorable and handsome at that party, and our first dance, when he asked me to dance there with him, and how we went to our first date up on the hills that was so romantic, and our first kiss, I will never forget that moment , how he made me feel, the passion and the lust , and the day at the beach and the "truth or dare" and that night when he told me a story before bed and he made me his, we finally were officially together, and the day he left for tour and the neckless he gave me, and how I missed him and went to the concert to meet him and how happy I made him. When he picked me as a WWG and announced that I'm his girlfriend, how I made him the surprise with the massage and how I decided to tell him the truth, how difficult it was, and in the end how he gave me the beautiful ring and I disappointed him with telling him the truth and he left me alone and hurt me and broke my heart. I remember every minute with him, and all of this was just 3 months. We went through all this in only three months.
I'll miss him, I'll miss his hugs, his smile, his touch, his "hi", I'll miss his kisses and his arms, I'll miss his laugh and his jocks , I'm gonna miss him a lot. My life won't be the same with our him, I need him.
I don't know how many tears have left, I think I used them all, I need him here, I need him alive.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID IT CAUSE HE LOVE ME!! He really loved me, he was regret that he hurt me, but now it's useless to talk about it cause the worst thing had happened . I can't believe love could actually kill.