To the one I loved the most

The you i fell in love with

For a while, I thought I was over you
Floating above our relationship
Moving on from the memories
And I wonder if that's how you feel now
Disconnected and far from me
Then all the sudden it hit me
As hard as the day I found out you left for her
And now I'm feeling more attached to you
Than ever
"You should text him,"
They say, but how can I text the ghost of you?
Who you are now is not the boy I fell in love with
Who you have become is someone I no longer know
So if I messaged you I know a reply would come from someone I can't recognize
Isn't it humorous how two forms of you can exist at the same time
The you I know from the deepest crevices of your soul
To the man who cheats in every chess game; a  selfish boy who has seemed to lose every part of his prior tender mind
I miss you, but I don't
I know you, but I don't
I love you, but I don't
I sit here now, thinking of you
And everything you taught me
I think of the you that I hope is still there somewhere
And if I never get to see him again,
I hope you can tell him I love him
And maybe that will lure him out of the darkness that has capsulated his present self
I know he is still in there.
Lifeless, broken, covered in shame and guilt for the pain he caused me
But after all this time, I feel it;
Him,
Everything he was,
Everything he is.