Paper Planes

Bb

Paper Plane #2

Insecure

An adjective, described as uncertain or anxious about oneself; not confident.

A term used to often to describe girls in society today. 

Sure, One Direction's What Makes You Beautiful lyrics say "You're insecure, don't know what for." But that's the thing, you don't know because Insecurity is something you feel and conceal. They may think that we're "Turning heads when we walk through the door." but we actually aren't. 

Insecurity is a quality that I withhold in myself and is something I obsess over. 

I am insecure about my body. Lets start with my lower body. 

My legs. I hate them. They look like mounds of fat, jiggling away whenever I move. My dad would tell me that I am muscly and that not many people are born with muscle like me but I hate it. I am not one to want for a thigh gap but sometimes I do think about if I would look better with one or not. 

My butt is the size of Jupiter. They say that boys like a girl with a booty but why? It's just some extra fat, hanging loosely on your backside where boys can perv and girls can judge. Sometimes it's so hard to work a pair of jeans or tights that I just give up and don't bother flaunting my curves because too many of the girls at my school have thin legs and a small butt. 

My stomach. It's not completely overflowing but it's not toned too. I'm not confident to wear a crop top or a bikini at the beach because my rolls hang loose on the outside and I can smell the judgement from a mile away. 

Why can't I be built at a medium size? 

I am insecure about my face. Do you ever look in the mirror and not like what you see in return? Have you ever stared at your reflection and wondered why you looked they way you were? Some days, my face can look boarder line acceptable but others make me want to run into a brick wall. My eyes always have bags underneath them because I stay up late, critiquing myself. 

I sometimes wonder if I should start wearing makeup but then again, I know nothing about it and I would be wasting my time because I can't cover up something so noticeable. 

Why can't I be beautiful? 

I am insecure about my smile. I used to smile everyday. I used to smile at the simple things in life until a rude boy told me that I looked like a clown at the local carnival and caused my teeth to never show again. I ended up having to get braces that year so it made things even worse to smile. Brace face, they called me. 

Why can't I have a 100 watt smile? 

I walk past so many girls everyday and I just admire their beauty. The way the laugh with such ease and the way their hair dangles carelessly past their shoulders. The way they are able to smile at the camera without the doubt of insecurity in the back of their mind. The way the can wear a bikini or show off their toned bodies to Facebook and can get hundreds of likes and comments from boys. The way their facial complexion is model perfect and completely flawless. 

As Little Mix says: "Mama told me not to waste my life, she said spread your wings my little butterfly. Don't let what they say, keep you up at night. And they can't detain you because wings are made to fly." 

Well newsflash honey, my wings were never there and will never lift me off the ground because I am too insecure to be secure. 

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Paper Plane number 2! This story is slowly coming together!

WOW Paper Planes is #667 in General Fiction!! Thank you so much! You're support has been endless and amazing :) I am going to Zumba right now to work off my excitement. So here is my quick update to you, amazing reader. I love you xxx 

This chapter is also dedicated to big fan! Thank you for your support! xxx 

-A