Joshler Because I'm: Soft

Part 6

While my adorable fren was tickling me, my shirt started going up a little. I didn't even notice it at the time, being too caught up in my own giggles.

Eventually, Josh stopped tickling me. I stopped laughing and caught up with my breath, looking up at Josh, who had been sitting on top of me. He had an upset look on his face, and I only realized why when I noticed what he was looking at: the scars on my stomach.

"Tyler...." Josh sounded so upset.

I quickly pulled my shirt down and stood up. I rapidly ran to the bathroom, shut and locked the door, and started crying.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!" I frustratedly yelled as I tugged at my hair while tears streamed down my face.

There was suddenly a light knock on the door, which was followed by a gentle voice.

"Tyler.... please open the door." The sad voice came through the door. I didn't want to answer it.

"No...." Was the only thing I could manage. I knew if I opened that door, everything would be over.

"Please, Tyler...." Josh whimpered, and I heard him sit down in front of the door.

"I-I...." I started getting too choked up on my words.

"I'm so scared, Tyler.... and I'm so worried.... Please, just open the door...." Josh's voice wavered, and I could tell how upset he was just by the tone of his voice.

"I can't-...." I inhaled sharply for a second because I was trying to control my breathing.

"You can, Tyler. It's okay. It's just me-" Josh started talking but I cut him off, finishing my sentence.

".... lose you." I whispered out, feeling pathetic for telling him this. I took a shaky deep breath. "I can't lose you." I repeated more clearly with no odd pauses. I quietly stood up and unlocked the door, then sat back down on the ground. The silence that followed felt like it was tying a noose around my mind.

          It's tøø late. He already left yøu. Yøu let øut yøur emøtiøns and thøughts, and this is what happens. He left yøu.

          "Tyler.... you think I'd leave you.... just because of that?" Josh asked slowly and quietly.

          "Well.... whenever somebody hears about my past or-or what I've done to myself, they usually do leave.... and I-I don't want you to leave. You're the best thing to ever happen to me...." I weakly let out the truth, tucking my head into my knees due to how ashamed I felt.

          "Don't be afraid." Josh spoke in a soft, gentle voice.

          I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to stop my tears from falling.

          After trying to process what Josh had said, I lifted my head up from my knees and wiped a tear off my cheek. "What?" I asked, not able to understand what Josh was saying at first, my mind being too fogged up by my negative thoughts. Josh quietly opened the door and kneeled in front of me, placing a soft hand on my shoulder.

          "I said.... 'don't be afraid.'" Josh repeated, looking into my eyes.

          That look, in it of itself, made me feel a bit calmer. After looking into his eyes for some time, all the while sitting in silence, I shut my eyes. With my eyes closed, I took deep breaths, trying to fully calm myself down. I opened my eyes again as they started welling up with tears.

          "I'm just so scared...." I tearily spoke the truth, another tear falling down my cheek.

          With every second that passed, I started crying harder. I just couldn't hold anything in anymore; everything was coming out at once. While in the midst of my breakdown, my eyes closed to try to calm myself down again (ultimately failing), and I felt a sudden warmth around me. Arms slowly and softly curled around my back, holding onto me. I opened my eyes to see a head full of flaming-red hair resting on my shoulder. The comfort he brought me let the rest of my tears fall. I wrapped my arms around Josh and buried my face in his shoulder.

          "I just d-don't want you to leave like-like everyone else...." I whimpered, grasping onto Josh like he could save me.

          "Hey. Tyler." Josh pulled away from me, but left his arms on my shoulders. I looked up into his eyes, trying to see him through my blurry eyes from the tears. "I would never leave you just for that.... you're so important to me, Tyler." Josh gave me a sympathetic smile and hugged me again, staying there for minutes on end.