Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Loveless

Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter Ten: Loveless

Enjoy!

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Misaki's POV:

I love my life.

I love Usagi.

I love my older brother.

I love Sumi.

I love my dear mother and father in Heaven.

I love my sister-in-law.

I love her beloved son, my nephew.

So why did they have to be taken away?

At this point, I didn't know if I was alive or dead. There was only darkness. I was within a single black cloud, as if I was the rain dwelling within it. But I never fell, rather I stayed obscured, banging on the walls of my prison to no avail.

I had to get out.

I searched for my body, and only then realizing my sense of touch was gone.

I attempted to open my eyes, and it was a success, but to my dismay what I saw was no improvement. There was a lighter shade of black, but no objects or faces could be made out. Like I was seriously looking through an opaque grey cloud.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream and throw things and break valuables. But more than anything, more than my need of immolation, I wanted Usagi.

I wanted to see his face, that was all I needed. The picture my memory painted was nothing in comparison. My imagination could never get the amethyst of his eyes right, the peach tint on his lips, the way his hair was tossed easily on his head.

What did he even really look like? The thought of forgetting his appearance could have brought me to tears, if I knew where my eyes were.

I tried to remember what got me here, why I couldn't breathe.

The sole image of Takahiro fell before the dark background. His face no longer brought warmth. 

He was and always will be my big brother, but he wasn't my friend, not anymore. I love him, but because I have to. He took me away from the one person I needed the most, and for that I could never forgive him.

He completely and thoroughly ruined my life, but it will not be in vain.

***

Time passed, even when it seemed impossible. Even when each tick of the clock stung like the pulse of blood behind a gaping wound.

But it did.

Even for me.

I'd woken up, and it became abruptly apparent that I was in a hospital bed. The springs pushed hard against my back, and a medical respirator rested on my face. The harsh sound of it exhaling artificial air into my lungs drowned out all other sound like a fire alarm, even the monitor, beeping rhythmically to my left.

I had no idea how long I had been asleep, I could have been in a coma for all I knew.

"You've been out for three days," the nurse had told me. I didn't need the respirator anymore, and I was thankful for it to be removed. She hadn't known if that was the result of an enormous amount of stress or a short coma, and frankly, I didn't care.

"Has anyone came to see me?" I asked pathetically. I had to know if Usagi was there. If he'd even visited me.

"We tried to contact your brother, and the man you're currently living with, but I'm afraid neither of them answered our calls," she replied sadly. Her eyes flickered with sympathy.

Where was he?

"When can I leave?" I said a bit abruptly. She glanced down to me, then to the clipboard in her hand. "I'll ask the doctor, and don't get your hopes up too high, but I don't think you'll have to stay the night again." She smiled, tucking the papers under her arm and turning on her heel toward the door.

I waited patiently for a while, I don't know how long, I'd lost track of time. The monitor was my only form of timely ticks, and they began messing with my head, quickening when I thought too much about Usagi's condition and whereabouts.

Before long though, the doctor had entered. He wore a long white coat draping to his knees. Black hair was slicked away from his bright blue eyes, and he had sharp facial features that gave him a bit of an intimidating look, but the warm smile he quickly gave me softened his appearance.

"So you want to get home, huh?" He chuckled. He was treating me like a kid getting their tooth pulled.

I nodded softly.

The doctor looked at what I assumed were the nurses paperwork from before, and glanced back up to me. "Your heart rate is steady and your pressure is solid. I don't see why you need to stay here another night. Just remember to change the gauss on your forehead twice a day, alright?"

I hadn't even noticed the incredibly sore wound across my forehead. I dusted my fingers across it, flinching at the pricks of pain blossoming around it.

"Twelve stitches," he chuckled, like it was a cool thing. "There may be a small scar, but nothing too noticeable," he added.

He handed me some paperwork after I'd gotten dressed in my normal clothes and changed the gauss. As I finished it, I was out the door before anything else could happen. I was determined to find Usagi.

I could only assume work flared up and he didn't have time to answer the phone or the door. But it didn't explain why Takahiro didn't answer.

Takahiro.

He'd been in the car, too. They called him, so he wouldn't be in the hospital. He was fine considering no one there had said otherwise. So, what happened to him?

Something was wrong, and I was going to find out.

Even if it killed me.