Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(18) Lies and open wounds

"I think I saw her in the weapons room" She states.

I nod slowly before immediately turning on my heel and practically running to the weapons room, the desperation to tell Clary was eating me alive and I knew I had to get it off my chest.

"Cam?!" Izzy shouted behind me, and from the pattering of footsteps, I knew she was following me.

I ignored her calls and instead marched onwards, I could feel myself hyperventilating and the tears were back, tormenting me, but I willed myself to ignore them and be strong. 

For Clary's sake, if not for my own.

I avoided the questioning looks of those around me as I hurried past, keeping my head low and hair forwards as I moved further on but I still fastened my pace and nearly cried with relief when my eyes lifted and I spotted the same fiery strawberry blonde hair through the tinted glass of the weapons room.

I also noticed that Jace was with her; but I trusted him enough to not be bothered by his presence.

I quickly rushed in, catching the attention of Jace who was facing my direction, and upon seeing me he stood up, face alarmed and engraved with concern.

"Clary" I croak out, the sensitivity of my voice alerts her, and she rapidly turns around, her eyes wide and expression terrified as she takes me in and she instantly runs over, her arms coming to my shoulders as she inspects me.

"What happened?" She asks, a clear look of fear on her face and I gulp, the agony I felt brewing within me and all I wanted to do was cry.

Her eyes scanned over my appearance, the look of dread on her face tripling upon seeing me so removed; my eyes were red and glossed over, mascara smudged and stained across my cheeks, my hair was untamed and unruly and I knew she could practically feel the anguish that I was in.

It was basically written all over my face.

"I- "I could barely speak, looking into Clarys eyes hit my soul and all the pain and duplicity I felt washed over me like a tornado, the entire situation overwhelming me, and I burst into gasps and tears.

So much for staying strong.

"Oh, Cam..." Clary muttered softly, her arms not hesitating to swiftly wrap me into a hug and I graciously hugged back, my arms loosely clutching her waist as I sobbed into her neck, my eyes shutting from the exhaustion that I felt.

I could feel the salty tears dripping down my face and off the surface of my chin, probably drenching both Clary and I, yet neither of us seemed to care as we held each other, Clary soothing me as I focussed on breathing, inhaling and exhaling jaggedly, desperately trying to control the tidal wave of emotions that swept through me.

I heard footsteps enter the room as I held Clary, but I could barely lift my head to acknowledge their presence.

"What happened?" A voice mumbled quietly, and despite the lowness of their voice, I immediately recognised the person to be Alec and I felt myself quickly sober up; my mind practically scolding me for looking like such a weak mundane to begin with.

He already thought I was weak; this just confirmed it.

I slowly pulled back from Clary, my head held low and eyes closed, I inhaled slowly before exhaling and once I could feel myself calming down, I looked up, not bothering to look past Clary.

Maybe a part of me felt embarrassed or maybe I was worried about what their judgement.

Whatever it was, I couldn't bring it in me to meet anyone's else's eyes.