Christmas In July - A Short Story

Monkeys Nuts

Enter the Beatles!!

"Are we there yet" George whined for the eleventh time that evening. The bus trip back to London was horrendous. Slow in heavy traffic then the bloody snow started falling; all but making the driver blind. "Half the nights over now"

"What? Got a girl waiting for you somewhere? ... The pound maybe" John taunted from his prostrate position on the back seat and barked and panted for good measure.

"Ha ha ha. Not funny. I just want a cup of tea that's all"

"And some kibble no doubt"

"Shut it Lennon"

"Make me"

"Take the newspaper off your snout and get up then"

"I'm reading the funnies"

"Oh, I forgot you're as blind as a bat"

"George!"

"Yes... George! Listen to wise uncle Richard" John grumbled in echo. He was near as to blind but George didn't need to remind him. Paul leading him from side of stage to his spot in the heated gaze of the audience was enough reminder of the fact. "Are we there yet?" John sat up and threw the newspaper in Georges general direction.

"Passing EMI in a mo. Actually....." Paul stood and walked off.

"Where's Paulie journeying to then?"

"There and back I expect" Richy offered from behind his sunglasses, not bothering to look.

"Perhaps he's spotted a fork in the road and wants to take it" John stood. "He would be prong. Get it?- Wrong Prong. Arrr, I surprise myself sometimes" He leaned over to whip the dark sunglasses from Richy's face.

"Hey!"

"Perhaps..... he's finally purchasing a ticket, the cheap bastard" John settled his new sunglasses on his nose.

George snorted and turned about grinning.

"What are you smirking at, Harrison" John sneered in jest. The bus jerked, then slid to a stop.

"Wonderful, you broke the bloody bus with those fangs of yours Harri"

"Sod.... Off... Winston"

"Ohhh, use of middle names now. I'm shaking in my boots lad" John walked toward the front of the bus and stopped momentarily "Hang on, I am shaking in my boots, its freezing monkeys nuts in here!... But it's not from middle name caller Harrison you hear! No middle moniker niggling name caller bother-er Harrison bothers me!!" High pitched maniacal laughter ensued for ten seconds then cut off suddenly. All very John like so nobody batted an eyelash to the kerfuffle.

"What's the hold-up old chap?" John leaned on Pauls shoulder as he stood near the driver.

"I want to get off but-"

"Wait til you get home son. No one wants to witness that... especially on a bus. Dirty Scouse you are"

"Not off like that you ninny. Off the bus"

A snowball launched from somewhere close by and hit the bus. The thump had the snow splatting on the window then slowly descending to the street.

"Take cover lads the huns are invading!" John yelped in delight. Instead of taking cover he pushed his nose against the window, shoved the sunniest to he brow and shaded his eyes to see out. Splat! "Direct hit. I've been wounded chaps! I put up a good fight, it's up to you load of losers to save my honour"

"Honour? What honour? Oh, wait maybe you mean you should be in front of a magistrate pleading insanity. Your honour. Your honour... It was the prellies that made me weirder than normal"

"I'm not weirder"

"You're not normal-er either" George replied hastily then poked his tongue out.

"He has a point John"

"Shut up Richy or your sunglasses get it"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Oops!" A pair of sunglasses dropped out of the top sliding glass window, another load of cannon fire hit the side of the bus "It's the Tommy's"

"That's us, the English, you nitwit. It's a girl, anyway"

"Pardon. I am not"

"Not you. Over there by the mound of snowballs"

"Trust you to think that soldier is a girl. Bloody good shot though"

"I'm going"

"No Paulie! Don't do it! Die in cowardice-y with Richy and George!"

"Not you then"

"I looked out the window first" John retorted drolly.

"Such heroics. I'm stunned"

"Thank-you"

"I was being-, never mind. Snow ball fight anyone!?!?"

"I'll give it a solid English try. Give us your gloves lad"

"Get your own!"

"Yours are warmer. You've been wearing them"

"Too bad!"

"The things I put up with. Off we go then, lead the way Macca"

"Of course, I lead" Paul rolled his eyes and stepped down the stairs of the bus. Which, unfortunately, faced the firing line. "Ya know, you really act like a wimp sometimes John, wanting me to lead..."

"You stopped the bus Paul" John the Sage, stated.

"You do have a valid point" Paul offered as he nodded for the driver to open the door.

The bi-fold contraption cranked open at snail's pace... and then............ chaos ensued.

"Flipping heck. You can have that all to yourself!" John yelped at Paul as he jumped back in the bus and grabbed the crank handle and shoved the door shut, right quick.

John made the driver move the bus off from the kerb. Paul lived a few blocks south, a good brisk walk home would do him wonders.