Are You Awake?

|A bottle of buried emotions|

Hadn't it been for the fact that shock was such an overused word, Shannon probably would have used it to describe the bowl of ice water suddenly being poured down the back of her t-shirt as she watched the picture Cari had said she would send her after straightening her hair appear on her screen, showing a portrait of a face she had come to be quite familiar with over the last couple of days. Following that bowl, was another even more overused word, falsely used to describe the smallest bursts of distress one could feel at just a short second of time, which she found better use of describing as a pair of hands taking a hold of her windpipe and squeezing it shut; anxiety.

As well as that, she could swear she felt a leg treating her heart as a soccer ball, bouncing it quicker and quicker against its thigh, before giving the blood-pumping muscle a firm kick with its foot to bounce it higher up into her throat. Pins and needles were a thing of the past as Shannon's blood was exchanged with the ice she had running down the skin of her back, so quickly seeping through her skin and into her veins, only leaving raising, dark red goosebumps throughout all her body's layers of skin. Arrows were thrown left and right, puncturing her lungs from a lot more than one direction at once, the hand around her windpipe nodding approvingly at the senders of the arrows, who then sent just one more from all directions possible for good measure.

Shannon's hidden bottle suddenly found itself stuck in its hiding place, unable to find its way to the surface to rid Shannon of her down-spiraling emotions, currently causing more than a few red marks from Shannon's nails currently pushing themselves past the goosebumps littering the top layer of her cold skin. Hadn't it been for the fact that the brunette was currently in her little sister's room, sitting beside her self-titled 'pink princess bed', which was only pink because she had made Shannon help her sharpie out small pink hearts across the white wood, while she herself had written out her name to her best ability, putting a crown over the 'i' Shannon didn't have the heart to tell her wasn't even supposed to be there, spelling out 'Caisy' in stead of 'Casey', and watching her sleep to make sure she wouldn't wake up in tears from another nightmare, the pair of scissors she could spot in her peripheral vision would most likely have been given the green light to cut the stings keeping Shannon's lips sealed.

Though, rather wanting her lips pried open than her sister waking up to the sight of Shannon's current state of emotional turmoil, or rather tornado, or a ten of an earthquake on The Richter's Scale, knowing the fear ignited by any nightmare Casey would ever have, wouldn't ever compare to the fear punching your gut so hard as you watch your usual shoulder to lean on emotionally, break from emotions you can't even comprehend the physical trauma they can possibly cause. Which quickly sent Shannon up on her feet, shakily making her way out of Casey's toddler-like room, down the darkness of their hallway and into her own room, her phone ending up at the floor right in front of her door after it was shut closed, while the trembling pile that currently was Shannon's body, quickly buried itself under her sheets, waiting desperately for her bottle to find the key to the locked cellar it seemed to find itself in, in Shannon's mind, as Shannon's nails again punctured her cold skin in an attempt to help find the key.

Though, the picture Cari had sent her kept haunting her, shoving the key further and further out of reach for the much so needed bottle of buried emotions. Shannon knew there was a huge possibility Cari was desperately in seek of a way out. A way to get the bullies in school off her shoulders. Alex had told her some of the things Jess had shared with her throughout their shared art class. She knew her new friend, and now supposedly also the mysterious texter, had been the school's predators' target the day she had first met Jess, only to have her run away. She didn't know if she was a common prey, but that day, she had been one of those being pushed into walls and shouted at, that Shannon was terrified of becoming herself, which had always made her just leave everything alone. After having been given a couple of lunches to know the too sweet, yet extremely timid blonde girl, she did regret letting everyone burst Cari's confidence into nothing. Shannon had to admit she found herself drawn to those dark brown doe eyes of hers and when she was given a small glance of Cari's lips curling up just ever so slightly, a smile of her own was impossible to suppress.

But knowing that same girl was the one who, through only her words, had her smiling until her cheeks hurt, scared her. If Cari was as desperate to get her bullies off her shoulders, as Shannon was to keep their attention away from her obvious imperfections and abnormalities, Shannon had handed Cari the perfect excuse to point their attention away from herself, and in direction of the brunette instead. Shannon had, even though not straight forward, shoved things only a handful of people knew of, most of which had and still was using it against her, in Cari's direction. Had the brown-eyed girl been just the amount of attentive Shannon had a feeling Cari always was, seeing as there was a chance she was one of those who constantly had to watch their back at school, there was no way Cari couldn't possibly know the perfect way to put all her own unwanted attention onto the brunette.

Cari knew Shannon wasn't, quote, normal. She knew she didn't fit into whatever list of criteria the school they both went to went by to choose its victims. Shannon knew Cari wasn't, and Cari knew Shannon wasn't. Cari had yet to tell her just why that was, as Shannon couldn't seem to find her flaws as she thought back on the girl she had met in lunch at school. Neither could she find a huge one by going through the impression her mind had got of Cari's mind through their texts. But the school's bullies seemed to have found them.

But Cari knew of Shannon's imperfections. The brunette had been clear about her gender not being something people viewed in the same way. She hadn't elaborated on the topic. But she had said enough to give Cari an idea. An idea of which, with a little bit of knowledge about the world outside the walls of their school, was enough to pinpoint just what Shannon was going through. Which, if Cari was to just tell one person about in a state of desperation, could, and most likely would, turn all her bullies in her direction, just to get some rest of her own.

Shannon wasn't even mad at Cari. She couldn't find it in herself to blame Cari for wanting to get herself out of it all. Surely, most people would do the same in her situation. But she was scared. Scared enough to decide, just as her bottle finally found the key to unlock the cellar door it was hidden behind and finally absorbed the intense emotions Shannon's burning red skin, littered in nail marks had tasted the wrath of, that the picture she had told Cari she would send right back, wasn't ever going to see the light of the day. There was no way the brunette would show Cari just how she could send her bullies in Shannon's direction in a desperate attempt to give herself freedom from them. Shannon had already handed her all the reasons she could give her bullies as to why she was a better fit as their target than Cari would probably ever be, all Cari needed to know to be able to receive her freedom, was just who those reasons belonged to. And no matter how much Shannon felt Cari deserved a break, she wasn't going to give her that.

Giving Cari a break, meant exposing a secret she had used to much energy to hide and then extending her arms to all the backlash following that exposure. Backlash Shannon felt she received enough of at home already. Yeah, she had to admit she felt more selfish than she had in so long, leaving a pang of both shame and guilt in the pit of her chest. And raising to her feet to retrieve her phone, coming face to face with Cari's obvious lack of self-esteem, which she knew she was a reason behind herself as well now, only further increased the shame sinking into her chest by knowing she obviously didn't owe the sweetest girl she had ever come to know, both over text and in real life, a rest from those currently breaking her.

[Cari]: I fucking told you so

Carefully, with a shaky bottom lip and small, strangled sobs pushing their way up her throat, Shannon locked her screen, wanting nothing more than to tell Cari just how wrong she was and just how right she was herself, the blonde girl being so far from her own description of herself; ugly. Her shaky hands used a bit of time to put her charger into her phone, before she gently laid it down on top of her nightstand, hyperaware of every tear blurring her vision as Cari's text burned itself to the back of her eyelids. And as Shannon again buried herself in her sheets, with tears staining every fiber of her pillow, Shannon willed herself to fall asleep, trying to unsee the clear lack of self-esteem Cari, unknowingly, had made sure stuck itself to Shannon's mind.