Are You Awake?

|Category of abnormality|

One of the reasons why Shannon didn't want to tell anybody about the reason behind her doctor's appointments was because they made her feel like she would never be normal. She was dependent on those doctor's appointments to become who she truly was and in one way she was ashamed of it. Her dad made sure of that. He always told Shannon that what she was doing to herself was wrong and that the doctor's appointments were evidence enough to show her he was right. Shannon wouldn't be able to be herself without them and Jim was quick to use the trips to the doctor against her to back his viewpoint.

Shannon remembered the first time her mom took her to see a doctor. She was only six at the time and didn't really know what was going on. She was taken away from her mother to see a therapist, while her mother stayed with the doctor, discussing Shannon's possible future. Shannon remembered the therapist had asked her to draw a picture of herself and without hesitation Shannon drew a girl with long brown hair, just like she wanted it. She drew a purple dress on the girl and a red bow on top of her head. She also drew a pair of high heels on the girl's feet, just like the pair her mother had in her closet.

And though, today, that wasn't something she would ever even think of wearing, at the time, the thought of it even just being a possibility, made her feel like she could breathe freely – something she hadn't felt was possible since she had first understood why that choice of clothing hadn't been a possibility for her before.

When Shannon was done with her picture she had stood up and proudly showed it to the therapist, smiling so widely. The therapist had smiled back and asked Shannon who she had drawn and the small brunette, without any hesitation, had pointed at the name written messily over the girl's head, telling the therapist it was Shannon. When the therapist asked her who Shannon was, the small six-year-old looked at the woman in disbelief and told her it was, in fact, herself.

Shannon still had that drawing, taped up on the inside of her closet. She felt like it belonged there. The brunette wouldn't take it out until she felt like the girl she had drawn on the drawing, ten years ago. When she finally let herself out of the dark, she would let the drawing out, too. But until then, Shannon and the drawing stayed hidden, together, waiting for the day they could finally come out, together.

Another reason why Shannon didn't want people knowing was because of what she ran straight into, in the hallway, on her way to her mom who was waiting to take Shannon to the doctor's office. The bell to lunch had just rung and the dark-haired girl was in a hurry to get out of the building. What she wasn't prepared for was the wall of people surrounding a student who was sat against the wall with their head in their knees.

Shannon knew if she let anyone in on her secret, she would be the one sitting against the wall with people shouting at her. She had seen this happening ever since she started high school. There were always people shouting in the hallways, telling everyone they didn't find normal, whatever that was, just what they didn't like about them. Shannon knew she would fit perfectly into their category of abnormality. She knew she was the furthest away from normal anyone could ever get and unfortunately, her dad knew, too.

Shannon stood in front of the never-ending sea of students, wondering how she would get to the other side alive. She knew she had to get through. She couldn't be late to her doctor's appointment. She looked over the crowd, looking for possible ways of getting through. The blue-eyed girl jumped when she felt a hand grab her forearm and drag her through. Shannon ran carefully behind her best friend who had found her and come to her rescue.

"Thank you, Alex," Shannon told the blonde girl once she let go of her arm. Alex only smiled back, knowing how important Shannon's trips to the doctor were. Alex knew Shannon was going to the doctor regularly. She didn't know why. But she knew it was important. So, when she saw the small brunette standing in front of the wall of students, trying to find a way through without getting killed in the process, she had to help.