He Was My Cousin

Epilogue (Part 6 of 6)

You are my home.

It sounds like a romantic line taken straight out of a book and I'm surely not the first and last guy to ever tell that... but she is my home. The only one I ever had.

With the Salvatorres I grew up with, I felt different. Despite being filled with care and love all the twenty-one years with them, pakiramdam ko iba ako; pakiramdam ko lagi akong may kailangang patunayan sa kanila. With my real parents, there's a wall we can never bring down. They didn't know I was alive until recently. May kanya-kanya na rin silang mga pamilya. Although their families have both been welcoming, I didn't know exactly where I fit in the picture. And with the relationships with my past girlfriends? Those felt like time bombs waiting for the right moment to let it all end.

And then there was Aya... In the most confusing moments of my life, she came to me. She challenged things I believed in. She made me feel things I didn't know existed. And all the while, with her, I could be just how I want to be. Wala akong kailangang patunayan. Hindi ko kailangang hanapin kung saan ako lulugar. With her, I felt peaceful... even if my life was a mess.

That's why when she left, I was devastated. I felt like a lost child who didn't belong anywhere. All I ever wanted to make her happy and yet I have miserably failed. That was how it felt.

But in the end, all the pain was worth it. Because with that, she found what her heart yearns... what her dreams are and how she could achieve them. Kasabay noon ay naayos ko rin ang buhay ko. I ceased being a Salvatorre; I got a clearer view of my past, of who I really was-- a Romualde... and a Romualde can end up with a Salvatorre. No more questions on morality and legality.

And right now, as she walks down the aisle towards me, I couldn't stop these fucking tears from falling. We've been through a fucking lot.

"Kuya, akala ko sabi mo walang drama?" I heard Japoy asked me as I wiped my cheek.

"Gago, anong drama?" I hissed, defensive, my eyes still fixed on Aya who was walking in the aisle with her mom and dad.

Bakit kasi ang haba nitong cathedral na pinili namin eh konti lang naman ang invited?

Fuck it.

I tapped Japoy's shoulder. "I can't take this," I said, impatient as I make my way to Aya. I could see from my peripheral vision the attendees' necks move to follow me with their eyes, but I didn't care. I was even quick to catch Ella rolling her eyes. Nasa gitna pa lang ng cathedral sina Aya nang umabot ako sa kanila.

"Ma, Pa, I can take her from here..." I told her dad and mom. Hindi ko alam kung hinihingal ba ako kahit ang lapit lang naman nang brinisk walk ko o kinakabahan ba ako.

Aya's mouth was hanging open. And then she looked up to me.

So fucking beautiful.

"You're supposed to wait there," she said, pointing at the empty space beside the best man, Japoy. "Didn't we rehearse this? Hindi ka marunong mag-follow ng instructions!"

Ngumiti sa akin si Papa. "Always a step ahead," he commented with pride. He gave Aya a glance and looked back to me, "I will not give you the responsibility to make her happy, son. But I'd ask you to let her be happy. She'd know it best. Siya ang may alam kung paano siya sasaya. That's why she chose you after all."

"Papa..."

Tumango ako. "Thank you, Pa."

"Para ka na talaga naming anak no'n pa man," her mom told me. "Maybe this is why it has always felt like that. I'm happy its you, Paolo. Alagaan mo ang unica hija ko."

"Susumbong ko siya 'pag 'di niya ako inalagaan. Kapitbahay lang naman namin kayo ni Papa."

We laughed and then they smiled when they looked at me and Aya. I each gave Papa and Mama a quick hug. This is my family.