Limerence (Chaelisa)

Chapter 17: Roses with a Twist

It was slightly drizzling when I ran outside, and the sky was splattered a few shades of blue-grey with the occasional streak of crimson red from the setting sun. I look both ways to realize that Chaeyoung's nowhere to be seen. Perhaps she's already caught a bus and is on her way home. I'm not going to go home tonight without clearing things up with her, and so I decide that the best course of action is to catch the next bus to her place.

The rain is getting heavier and heavier and so I step under the bus stop and read the bus schedule on the wall to see how much longer I'd have to wait until the next bus. After doing some basic math, I huff out in annoyance when I calculate that it's gonna be fifteen more minutes. Out of boredom, I take a look at the advertisements on the digital wall behind me.

There's one for a burger place a few blocks from here, maybe I'll go there one day with Jisoo or Jennie. There's another one for an expensive brand of handbags that are way out of my price range. My eyes drift onto the next one, which advertises a bottle of perfume that looks too elegant to be used. I don't really care about scents, but it's the name of the perfume that catches my attention.

Limerence
limerence: (noun) state of loving another person

That's what I'm feeling right now, right? Limerence?

Although, after what I did tonight, can I really say that I love Chaeyoung? Can I really say that I'm in love with her after kissing Jun just so that he wouldn't tell everybody else that I love Chaeyoung?

No. I don't think I can.

If I really loved her, why would I be scared about other people finding out? It's not about waiting for the right moment to make our relationship official, it's about being ashamed.

But I'm not ashamed! There's nothing to be ashamed about. I love Chaeyoung...

So why did I just do what I did? Why did I kiss someone else?

After several more minutes of being lost deep in my thoughts, the bus arrives and I come to the conclusion of: I love Chaeyoung and she needs to know that.

It's not a long ride to Chaeyoung's place. I follow the same path that I took just yesterday to find her apartment unit. From the small slit under the door, I can see the lights are turned on. But what if she's not even home? What am I supposed to say to her roommate. Chaeyoung said that they were close. I can't just say, "I'm here looking for your best friend cause I might've broken her heart by kissing someone else in front of her," without getting a slap in the face from Youngmi, much like what Jisoo did to Chaeyoung a while ago.

I stand there, too scared to make another move. Luckily (or unfortunately?), the door opens and on the other side of the threshold stands Youngmi.

"Uh—hi," I stammer out. "Is Chaeyoung here?"

Youngmi obviously seems confused, which confirms my fears of Chaeyoung actually not coming back to her apartment. But where could she have gone?

"No, she went out a while ago for the date you two had," Youngmi replies, her statement sounding more like a question. "She went to your workplace almost an hour ago to find you since she didn't know where you wanted to meet up. You didn't catch her?"

"I did, but we got into a... misunderstanding and she ran away. I thought that she'd run back here."

Youngmi immediately looks alarmed, her soft features pulled into harsh lines. "It's pouring outside!" she practically exclaims, "where could she be?"

"I don't have her number," I explain, "you should call her."

Youngmi nods, reaching into the back pocket of her jeans to pull out her phone. She scrolls through her list of contact and presses the call button for the contact ID named Chipmunk. The call goes unanswered and it's cut off on the third ring.