Limerence (Chaelisa)

Chapter 16: How Could You?

For the rest of the ride, we stand there in awkward silence, not knowing what else to say to each other. I pretend to be interested by the passing view outside the window and Chaeyoung listlessly browses through her Instagram feed. When the bus arrives at our stop, Chaeyoung walks past with me without uttering a single word.

I quickly rush after her. "Chaeyoung, about what I said earlier..." I catch up to her outside the bus. "When I said I didn't want to tell anyone about us, it's become we just started this relationship, so there's no rush in making it official and all," I explain. "I'm not ashamed of what we have, Chaeng."

Chaeyoung turns her head and offers me a small smile. "Okay." Her voice is so quiet amidst all the city noise around us.

I take her hand into mine, holding it tight. "Really," I say, "I'm telling you the truth."

"I believe you, Lisa," she says, her smile slowly growing into a genuine one. "Let's just head to dinner."

When we arrive at the restaurant, Chaeyoung and I are seated near the entrance. We're waiting for the waiter to come back with our food when Chaeyoung speaks up. "I'm sorry about how I acted earlier," she says, "I just wanted this date to be so perfect, and when it wasn't that, I overreacted and made it even worse."

"It's fine now, Chaeyoung," I say, "we're here and we're fine. I've just missed you so much, and I'm glad we get to be with each other again. It's like old times, but even better."

Chaeyoung nods, fidgeting with the wrapper of her straw. "Do you remember that day in the bathroom stall? When we were still fourteen?"

"You mean that day when you dumped me?" I ask with a chuckle.

I need to pee I need to pee I need to pee oh my god. School does a great job on testing my ability to hold in my pee. Curse Mrs. Kang and her rule of "no one leaves the room 'til everyone is done with the test." I practically cry with relief when I finally lock myself into a stall. When I'm done, I step out into the sink area to see Chaeyoung standing in front of the mirror, touching up her makeup.

I haven't been alone with her for weeks. Since the beginning of school after winter break, she's been distant; not answering my calls, ignoring me when I went up to her. I'm not even sure what I did wrong, but I was still annoyed at Chaeyoung for just ignoring me instead of telling me what was wrong. I debate whether or not I should try talking to her. In the end, I decide against it. She'll talk to me once she's ready, I'm done trying with her.

But when I turn on the sink and start washing my hands, Chaeyoung's head towards the sound and I swear I feel my soul leaving my body when her eyes are on me.

"Lisa?" she asks, "are you stalking me?"

"What do you mean? I was here before you were."

Chaeyoung shrugs. "If you say so," she says, sounding unconvinced.

"It's true, I was," I insist. "If anything, you're stalking me."

Chaeyoung scoffs. "As if. You were the one who's been bugging me for the past month."

"Bugging you?" I ask in disbelief. "You've been ignoring me for the past month and I've been trying so hard to find out what I did wrong. Chaeyoung, why are you being like this? I'm so sick of these games! I'm so tired of waiting for you to start talking to me again. I'm so tired of even thinking about you."

"Stop then," Chaeyoung snaps back curtly. "Just stop trying if you're so tired. I'm sick of you as well."

"Chaeyoung—"

"I don't want you as a friend," Chaeyoung cuts me off. "Just go away."

I swallow hard before replying. "Okay, I will."

I turn off the sink, stride past Chaeyoung to wipe my hands, and leave the restroom with silent tears rolling down my cheeks.

And as much as it sucked to purposely ignore Chaeyoung whenever I saw her, I did just that for the next six years. In fact, I even moved schools just so I wouldn't be tempted. And from time to time, I would see her in the streets a few times a year. And it was like that until several weeks ago, when Fate decided to have us get back together.

"I don't think I really apologized for that," Chaeyoung says, "but I'm really sorry, Lisa. I started ignoring you because I got scared that I would fall too deep in love with you. I didn't know you felt the same way. I was young and scared—"

"Chaeyoung," I interrupt, "what matters is right now. We're together now. Everything will be alright."

"Well," a loud voice says from behind me. I don't even have to turn around to know who it is. "Lisa and Chaeyoung, right?"

"What do you want, Jun?" I ask.

Jun walks up to our table with a couple of his friends.

"You two on a date?" he asks, looking between us with a sly grin pasted onto his face.

"No," I immediately respond. I'm looking up at Jun, but I can that see Chaeyoung's neutral expression looks slightly pained from the corner of my eye.

"Are you sure about that?" he asks again. "Looks pretty romantic to me," he says, running his dirty fingers over the tablecloth.

"It's not," I deny again, knowing full well that I'm not good at acting and that I'm hurting Chaeyoung's feelings. But I can't help it.

"You know," Jun says, "I've always trusted my gut. And right now, my gut is telling me that you're lying. How about..." Jun pauses, his grin growing even wider. "If you want to prove to me that you're not gay, give me a kiss. And maybe then I won't tell the entire campus about you two."

I look over at Chaeyoung to gauge her reaction. Her lips are pulled into a thin line and her eyes are downcast.

"Jun, please," I beg, "just leave us alone."

"Did you hear that guys?" Jun turns towards his friends, "I guess Lisa is a lesbian."

"I'm not!" I shout, standing up from my seat. A few other customers look over at us, wondering what all the noise was for.

"Prove it!" he shouts back.

I heave a deep sigh. "Fine," I give in bitterly. "One kiss and it means nothing," I say, making sure I stress the last word for Chaeyoung.

I lean towards Jun, wondering if this is going to be the worst decision I've ever made. And when we're close, I quickly peck a kiss onto his lips. When I pull away, I feel a wave of repulsion wash over me. But at least it's over, and at least Jun won't run his mouth anymore—hopefully.

Jun smirks. "I'm still convinced that two are together. But don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

I look over at his friends, giving them a keep-your-mouths-shut-as-well-or-else-I-will-kill-you death stare.

The four of them leave, and once they round the corner to the other side of the restaurant, Chaeyoung stands up from her seat and starts grabbing her things. "How could you?!" she cries out, eyes glossed over with fresh tears. "Was it really that big of a deal?!" she asks as she's shoving her phone into her purse. "Are you so ashamed of me that you had to kiss someone else just so that they wouldn't talk about us?!"

"Chaeyoung, I had no choice," I say.

Chaeyoung ignores me as she angrily slams down a few bills on the table. "Enjoy the food by yourself," she says, shrugging on her purse before starting to walk out of the restaurant.

But I'm not letting her go again.

I grab for my things as well and chase after her.