sanguine ⏩ sirius black

20.

EMPTY.

It was one word. One syllable. Five letters. Yet in the entire English language of over two hundred thousand words, it was the only word that could describe the way Farrah felt. Her stomach, her chest, her entire being. It just felt empty.

She and Regulus had been best friends for almost five years. In that time period of almost five years, their fights had been minimal at best. Squabbles over music tastes or the proper way to say a spell. Small disagreements that never went past a rolled eye or a scowl. Farrah and Josh fought all the time but Farrah and Regulus? It was unnatural for them not to be on good terms.

Which is why after Regulus walked away and left her in the hall, she couldn't speak. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe.

She felt empty.

Somehow, the Muggleborn trudged back to her dormitory. Thankfully, the room was just as empty as she was. Farrah dropped onto her bed and sat on the edge of it, staring at the wall in front of her. 

Had that really happened? Was she and Regulus' friendship over? Did she really cause the demise of one of the best relationships in her life?

Fuck, she thought, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"FUCK!" she screamed out.

Farrah flung herself back onto her bed. Tears stung the back of her eyes while her stomach twisted in knots. Her chest grew heavy and started to suffocate her. What had she done? Why had she done it? How was she going to fix it? Could it be fixed? Ever? Had she ruined her years of friendship with Regulus for a few weeks of something with Sirius? Was she even thinking?

With every passing moment, it became harder and harder for Farrah to breathe. She sat up and tugged at her tie to loosen it. However, that did nothing for the choking feeling she was experiencing. Farrah stood up and all but sprinted up the stairs into the common room, the tears she was barely holding back now cascading down her face.

Unfortunately, the common room was not as empty as her dormitory. Her abrupt entrance drew the eyes of everyone who was in the room. Including Josh. Farrah faltered for a moment, losing her balance at the top of the stairs, before she continued on. She didn't know where she was going. She just knew she couldn't breathe and she had to get outside.

The Muggleborn threw herself out of the common room door and started running down the hall. 

"Farrah, wait!"

Farrah complied to Josh's command but couldn't stop herself from falling forward to the floor.

"Holy shit!" he cursed as he ran up to the girl, "Are you okay?"

The girl turned over onto her back. She clawed at her throat as she choked out, "I can't-can't-"

"It's okay, it's okay," Josh said quietly. He dropped down beside the girl and held her shoulders, "Look at me. Look into my eyes."

"I can't-"

"Farrah," he cooed, "Farrah. Look at me."

Farrah dragged her eyes up to meet Josh's. The boy smiled, "Good. Now. Hold your breath for four seconds. Okay? Just four seconds. Breathe in."

When he saw the girl breathe in, he started to count, "One. Two. Three. Four. Okay, now breathe out for four. Good. Do it again."

The two Slytherins repeated this three more times before Farrah's breathing had returned to normal. She let out a final shaky breath and wiped the tears from her face, "Well, this is embarrassing."