knives and bruises a yuri x natsuki fanfic

Part 22

The bright, colourful pages of the manga resting in her lap would usually require very little to catch her attention, but Natsuki struggled to concentrate for longer than a minute before she noticed her wandering mind had taken the forefront of her thoughts. The waiting room of the counselling office boasted a clean and tidy policy, leaflets and posters formally lining the pristine, white walls.

Yuri had been gone for a little over half an hour already for her first session. Reading clearly wasn't an effective enough distraction from her racing mind as the minutes passed slowly by.

Natsuki sighed, carefully closing the manga and slipping it into her bag, positioning it to ensure it wouldn't get damaged. She'd been living completely alone for nearly a week, asides from the first night where Yuri had offered to keep her company. It had been difficult at first, particularly on the first night she had spent entirely on her own, but she was gradually adjusting. The other girls could do it, so could she.

Besides, she was just overly thankful that she had the freedom to live however she wanted. Without her father leeching onto her she didn't feel constantly on edge or like one wrong move would result in punishment. However her instincts still kicked in at times, of course, and she routinely found herself jumping at a sudden noise or flinching at quick movements.

Her eyes caught a metallic leaflet stand positioned beside the waiting room chairs. Another girl, seemingly a few years older than herself, was tentatively rummaging around in the vast selection. Natsuki frowned as she pulled out a 'self harm' leaflet before making her way back over to her previous seat to flick through it.

Surely it couldn't hurt to look...?

With mechanical movements, Natsuki abandoned her bag by the chair and slowly rose, making her way towards the rack. She blinked, a little unsure of where to start looking. There were plenty to choose from, all strung up in different colours: drug use, depression, anxiety, self care, alcoholism...

Hesitantly, Natsuki reached out with numb fingers, selecting a little, blue booklet that read 'Abuse'. She took it back to her seat, her heart skipping nervously as she opened the first page.

The years of torment had desensitized her to the reality of her previous home life. Everything she read in the leaflet seemed so much worse than what she had been through. Perhaps she had exaggerated the whole thing? Surely she must have, other teenagers seemed to be going through much worse. Her own problems simply paled in comparison.

Guilt gnawed away at her worries as she continued to flick through the thin pages. What if her father hadn't really been that bad? Had she locked a potentially good person away due to her own selfish feelings? He'd tried to hurt her, sure, but maybe she'd just brought that on herself? Perhaps if she'd only listened to him...

Chewing her lip, Natsuki scanned a brief sentence underneath a little coloured picture of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the words drawing her eagerly in.

'Those who have experienced trauma -particularly emotional - often struggle to accept the severity of their situations. They tend to belittle their own circumstances, acting as though it is no trouble, when in actuality this sometimes indicates a more serious encounter with abuse.'

Well, that did make sense.

Slowly, Natsuki reached into her bag and rummaged for a moment until her fingers found the little folded sheet of paper she had been given not long ago by the protection services. She turned it over in her palm a few times, the weight of it heavy and overbearing, before she unfolded it.

Inside lay a vast amount of information regarding the different support networks she could access. She really didn't feel like exposing her vulnerabilities to a stranger in an unfamiliar office. It seemed...wrong somehow. But Yuri had mustered up the confidence to do it, perhaps she could too.