knives and bruises a yuri x natsuki fanfic

Part 15

Visiting Sayori had ended up being a fairly positive experience as a whole. It had been reassuring to see her safe and on track, even if the knowledge that the previous years of happiness had been a complete deception was beginning to weigh heavily on Natsuki's shoulders. It was a harsh reality to have to face so abruptly.

"We were lucky today," Monika said, her voice light as she drove away from the hospital. "We caught her on a high energy day."

"What is she like on a low energy day?" Yuri asked curiously in the seat beside Natsuki, her fingers threading through her hair.

After a brief pause Monika hummed sadly, her hands running lovingly up and down the steering wheel as they sat stationary at a red traffic light. "Distant. Really, really distant. Days like today give me so much hope that she's improving and then...the next time I see her she'll barely respond to anything I say. It's heartbreaking."

"Does she, uh, does she still want to...?"

"Die?" Yuri only nodded despite being pretty far out of Monika's line of sight. "Uh, yeah. She does. She's being honest about it, though, which is good. I've heard some people will pretend that they're better just to break their chains and have the freedom to try again."

Natsuki swallowed through what felt like a lump of coal lodged in her throat. "How do you handle all of this?" She felt incredibly guilty as the thought flicked through her mind but she highly doubted she would ever be able to cope being in a situation like her friends', not in the way Monika did.

She laughed dryly, blinking through shimmering tears that threatened to fall. "I don't. I just grit my teeth and be strong for her like I always have, but...Oh, Gosh, it's so hard. It's so trying on my own mental wellbeing, you know?" Her words sounded lost and sad, yet she smiled anyway with admirable strength. "But she's worth it. She's always been worth it."

That was something freaking special, really; that she was willing to sacrifice a part of herself to help her girlfriend's health. It was something Natsuki could only hope she would achieve with someone one day, that particular strength of bond and love.

"Do her parents know what's happened to her?" Natsuki asked cautiously, tiptoeing around the subject matter. After all, Sayori hadn't exactly had the greatest relationship with her parents since she had announced that she was dating Monika. It had shattered Sayori's heart to witness their disgust and rejection of her relationship.

Tensely, Monika nodded, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. "They do, but they don't care enough to visit her."

A heavy silence hung in the atmosphere for a moment. "How long have you known about all of this?" Yuri murmured.

"Before we became a couple. One day she, uh," Monika shifted a little, the faux leather seats squeaking, "She started crying over burnt toast. Then she just broke down into floods of tears and told me everything about her depression, I remember it vividly." She laughed quietly, this time with a slight hint of humor. "It was as if she had been fighting it for so long and the toast just pushed her over the edge. But I knew I loved her by that point and I was prepared to deal with it."

Natsuki didn't know what to say. As she tried to speak the words merely caught in her throat and she was forced to swallow them down again. A strange, complicated mix of relief and anger sizzled away at her mind, confusing her emotions. Relief that Sayori had had Monika for support all these years and anger that they had both kept it locked away from her and Yuri so perfectly. It was almost betrayal, she thought.

A harsh beeping interrupted the silence and shocked the three of them at once. "Oh!" Monika looked up, realising she hadn't noticed the light changing to green. "My bad." Their nervous laughter continued for a moment, softening the tense atmosphere as Monika proceeded to drive. "Anyway! Next weekend should be fun, yeah?"