Destiny's Gamble

Falling Into Place

More importantly, how could Manik see me with Sushant, without letting out a peep from his lips? I don't deserve my husband, and the love he has for me. He watched from the sidelines, as I stayed in another's arms. I doubt I will ever be strong enough - for even a second - to view him with another.

Was Manik even planning on telling me the truth? Or was he okay with with being my friend for life? Although, truth be told, I could feel my heart opening up to Manik, before I started putting the puzzle pieces of my life together. I bet my life that without knowing Manik was a part of my past, I would've still fallen for him and welcomed him with open arms.

Manik and I are meant to be. No matter what, he and I will end up together; in this life, in the other world and in all the lives that we have to live through.

Another sob bursts out from my lips as I think of Chachi, Rishabh and Chacha. How in the world did they all manage to keep their emotions in? I guess it's true that love is selfless, and one would rather undergo pain themselves than have their beloved experience it.

The urge to throw myself into my husband's arms and stay there is consuming me. However, before I re-open a door, I must shut another one.

*****

"You came," Sushant says in utter disbelief, as I near the table he's seated at. Although I am greatly disgusted by this man's mountain of lies, I can't help but wonder if he did it all in goodwill? 

 I mean, throughout the past six months, Sushant's been nothing but kind and caring towards me. Perhaps he truly kept me in the dark for my own good. Maybe I wanted him to tell me everything because I'm thinking with my heart, as I usually always do where Manik's concerned.

"I don't turn back on my commitments," I say, lowering myself onto the chair that's opposite Sushant. Now that I know the truth - at least most of it - it's harder to sit in front of this man and talk to him as if everything's perfectly normal.

"So now that we're here," I say, "I have somethings to clear out and ask."

"Go ahead. Anything," Sushant says. "I'm sure you feel cheated, but trust me, my intentions weren't malicious." I don't make eye contact with him. "Believe it or not, I love you, Nandini." Sushant says truthfully. This encourages me to look him in the eye, only to see he's watching me with nothing but candour.

"You should've at least informed my family and husband." I say, unable to feel completely angry at Sushant, despite everything. The truth is, I still feel indebted to him, regardless of all he's done wrong. The man in front of me stays silent, his gaze lowered towards the tablecloth in shame and regret.

"Can I ask you a question, Sushant?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. He nods his head, without making eye contact with me. "Would you have ever told me? Perhaps once the year was complete?" No response. Maybe Sushant knows the answer I seek is not the one I'll be receiving from him.

"I don't know, Nandini. Lying to you makes my skin crawl, so I won't give you a wrong answer," he says. "I...I really don't know. Seeing you and Manik, I have come to think that love is selfless. Then again, when I look at the love I give to you...that's the selfish kind." Sushant makes eye contact with me, as he gives a slight shrug. "Who's going to tell us which of us has grasped the rightful meaning of this twisted emotion?"

"This emotion, Sushant, is like water." I explain slowly, testing the words out in my mind before I speak them out loud. "It moulds itself into the vessel who feels it, and takes on a different meaning each time. Frankly, I think it would be highly wrong to term anyone's love as right, or wrong, and that's why this emotion is unique each time." Sushant's watching me like an attentive student, absorbing my words. 

The irony in this entire situation is that such words are coming out of my lips, a woman who has only ever had one man in her life - Manik. Honestly, though, he's all she'll ever need. Because ever since my Devil has entered my life, I have experienced the purest form of love and affection. What I have also learnt is that love isn't simply black and white. Oh no...it comes in a spectrum of colours and shades. However, each tone is imperative for this love to grow.

"This is our song," Sushant whispers, sitting up. The spark that I've oft seen in his eyes is back, as he stands up and offers me his hand. "Would you do me the pleasure of honouring me with one last dance?"

"Why not?" Shrugging nonchalantly, I stand up and slide my hand into his. With the ease of a man who's done this many times before, Sushant guides me towards the dance floor and positions us on one side of it. Although falling into step with Sushant has always been easy, I now know why it never came naturally to me, simply because he's not the one I'm meant to dance with. Even now as Sushant and I sway from side to side, all I can think of is Manik. My lips tug upwards into a smile as I imagine the look on his face when I return to him with good news regarding my memory recollection. Sure, all the gaps haven't been filled yet. However, I know enough for now.

Suddenly, Sushant stops swaying, causing me to snap back into the present world. I look up at him questioningly. Perhaps, absentmindedly I stepped on his toe?

"I made the mistake of not telling you then, Nandini, but I won't repeat the same mistake tonight. Manik saw us dancing and now he's gone. He didn't look too happy about it either," Sushant says. At once I swivel around, my husband's name at the tip of my tongue.

"Thank you," I tell Sushant, rushing for the exit. Midway, I halt and turn back around, bolting straight for him. "Goodbye friend." I say, wrapping him in a tight embrace. "We may not live together anymore, or hang out daily, but I'll always be your friend."

"I know," Sushant whispers, squeezing me tight, as if he doesn't wish to let go. Unfortunately for him, I can't wait to get away. Someone else's arms are waiting for me; a man whose arms are my home.