It's My Fault

Chapter 15

At the moment Grace and I were sitting in her room talking. She was sitting at her desk while I was laying down in her bed while telling her the story of when I fell face first in PE when I was in elementary school. "Jeez and that didn't hurt?" I shook my head and continued to look at the ceiling "No actually. Well... at least not really." Grace let out a shocked noise and I chuckled a bit. "I laughed about it in the end. Although you should of seen everyone. The whole class and the teacher ran over so fast to make sure I was okay." I looked over at her and saw her looking up at the ceiling. She had amusement written all over her face. I smiled at the sight and opened my arms, "Now come here I want to cuddle." She laughed and got off the desk chair. She literally jumped on me and I let out a grunt, "Jeez woman I didn't mean for you to knock the wind out of me." She laughed and cuddled into me more. I wrapped my arms around her and asked, "You want to take a nap?" She nodded against my chest and let out a breath. I looked up at the ceiling and let out a quiet sigh. I'm so glad today is Friday. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes quickly falling asleep.

Dream
I was walking on mushy grass in a giant field. I looked down at my shoes while they slightly sunk into the ground. I looked up and out seeing the great plains and a single oak tree not to far from where I was standing. The sun was on the horizon and there was a slight breeze in the air. I looked up into the sky and the breeze blew my hair. Taking a deep breath of the clean air I opened my eyes again. I looked back at the tree and saw someone standing under it. I tilted my head in confusion but I wasn't scared, everything about this place was oddly calming and peaceful. Wanting to know who it was I started walking towards the silhouette. From what I could see from the distance it looked like a woman, taller than me and wearing a dress that would sway when a breeze came along. I continued to walk towards the person and they slowly started to turn around. I tilted my head and realized who it was, "Mom!" I started running towards her while she was smiling at me. My feet squished into the grass while I ran as fast as I could to her. She had her arms open for a hug which I ran into her and held her tightly afraid she would disappear. "Wow look at you now Ellien so big now. I'm afraid that I can't call you baby anymore." I felt her smile against my head and I couldn't help but reciprocate. "I can't believe you're here." I looked up at her and saw her wide smile. Raising an eyebrow she said, "Who said I ever left?" I chuckled and we let go of each other. "I miss seeing you every day mom. Although I do visit you almost every day." She smiled and ushered for us to sit down, "I know you do I hear you everytime. I wait for you for when you visit and I have always listened." I smiled at her but then frowned looking down at the grass. "So you know about the accident then." I looked back up at her and she sadly nodded.

My eyes started to water, "It's all my fault mom." She put her hand on my right cheek and I leaned into the touch. "How were you to know that, that was going to happen." A tear fell and my mom quickly wiped it away. "I should of just left when Rose said. Things would of been so different then it is now." My mom pulled me into a hug and I let the tears freely fall. I held onto her tightly while she rubbed my back. Eventually I had stopped and looked up at her and she was simply smiling at me. "Come on let's watch the sunset. It's the best from here." She offered her hand and while smiling I took it. We walked to a bench that was a little bit away from the tree. We both sat down and looked seeing the sun slowly go down past the hills in the distance. Leaning into my mom I closed my eyes enjoying the moment. "I love you baby forever and always." I smiled and opened my eyes looking at her, "I love you too mom, forever and always." I sat up and all of a sudden I felt a hand on my left shoulder and I was pulled into a tight hug. The familiarity of the hug immediately made me start tearing up. "Hey Ellie." I didn't repsond I just hugged her tighter.

My eyes shot open and tears came to my eyes. I felt the heat of another person and looked over seeing Grace still asleep on the side of my body. Slowly moving her off I moved to sit at the edge of her bed and wiped my eyes in attempt to get rid of the tears. I took deep breaths to try and calm myself but ended up having the tears fall anyway. I sniffled and put my head in my hands. Seconds later I got up off the bed and quietly walked to the livingroom. My vision was blurry from tears and the fact that it was dark as well wasn't helping my situation. I need to leave. I quietly opened the front door and started my walk to my special spot. I took out my phone to see that it was midnight. I wiped my tears and looked up into the sky while I walked. The moon was bright and the clear skys of Washington showing the bright stars. I took a deep breath and looked straight ahead. When I got to my special spot I sat down on the cool rock. It wasn't too cold tonight it was comfortable. I listened to the slight noise from the animals around the area. I wasn't afraid of the noises, for me they were more comforting knowing that I wasn't the only thing out at night. I looked out to the water and crossed my legs. I closed my eyes and let the sounds of nature overtake me. It was only when my phone started ringing was when I opened my eyes again. Not looking at the caller ID I answered.

"Hello?"

"Ellie where are you it's 2 in the morning."

I heard Grace's tired voice on the other end. She must of felt me not there.

"I needed to clear my head for a bit I'll head back now."

"Okay see you soon."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and made my way back to Grace's house. Once I got there I quietly made my way back to Grace's room and saw her sitting on the bed and once she heard me she shot up and went to hug me. She whispered, "You should of woken me up." I wrapped my arms around her lower back and put my head on her shoulder. "I didn't want to bother you." She shook her head and pulled away, "No I want to help. But for now let's go back to sleep." I nodded and took off my shoes. Grace climbed back in bed and opened her arms. I crawled to her and laid my head on her chest and put an arm over her stomach. We both quickly fell asleep after with my thoughts racing.