Every Lifetime I Fall {COMPLETED but undergoing revisions}

Chapter 85: Fourth Life - Fragments of Longing

"Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me all of a sudden?"

"That... you are trying to be considerate of my feelings."

Master didn't speak for awhile. We continued to watch the fireflies fly to what seemed like mindless meandering. The dark sky reflected a similar pattern of stippled stars above the branches of the forest. The sounds of the flowing stream seemed to fill the space between Master and I as we silently stood next to one another.

"You don't have to thank me," he finally said.

What?

"I'm at fault. I'm not the brightest when it comes to things like this."

He means...

"Wu Jing had to remind me that you were waiting for me. He was really angry that I kept you waiting."

Lord Wu...

"I've never really grown accustomed to take others' feelings into consideration. The truth is I don't know how I feel about you."

Turning to face him, I stared into Master's eyes and saw the sea of fireflies reflected in them. His face had a soft melancholic expression.

My voice quivered as I spoke, "You mean you still love Miss Ming Yan."

"For some time, she was a woman I often thought about."

I looked away and tried to suppress the sadness that was seething within. 

"I don't know if I love her, but it is a strange feeling I feel when she denies to remain by my side."

She's different... a noble woman worthy of Master's affections.

"Rong Xin, you on the other hand... begged to stay by my side as though I was the only viable path for you. You left your family, your home to be with me."

Listening to him speak, I realized how different Ming Yan and I were. She was so elegantly honorable, and I not at all. But also realizing that I was chasing Master while he was chasing her... That was not a good feeling. 

"Don't you miss your family?"

"I-- I guess it would be a lie if I said I didn't. One day I may return, but right now I just want to live for me."

"What does it mean to live for yourself?"

What... What does it mean? Stay here as a maid for Master? Become an Immortal Cultivator? Use myself as a device for Master to recall the past, hoping that he will come to love me?

"It means... that I make the decisions. Whether that be the path of a dedicated cultivator or what I want to eat for dinner, I get to make the decision."

Master chuckled at my words. "You must have a hard time then. There are too many types of food in this world."

"I don't just care about food!"

"You care about me too?"

Stepping back, I wasn't expecting Master to say something so brazen. How could I respond to that?

"Rong Xin, I also... think of you quite a bit. Meaning that I find you incredibly foolish, agonizingly sweet, and refreshingly naive."

Is he praising me? I-- I can't tell.

Master went on, struggling to form his thoughts into words. "You are a good person."

I'm a good person in Master's eyes. He sees value in me!

"Tomorrow, I'm leaving in search of Invigorating Essence Sect's Sect Leader Qie. He was taken by Wicked Mist and Ming Yan was hurt in the process. As a precaution, the Night Ravens will stand guard of Bleak Night. Wu Jing will be coming with me. I want you to look after Ming Yan, all right?"

Almost like lightening had struck me, I froze stiffly on the spot with my throat unable to speak.

"Master, you're going to leave?"

"I must."

"Wicked Mist have very powerful demons, don't they?"

Master nodded. "The most strong on earth."

"Master, you must look after yourself! You must come back without harm. I'll worry..."

Master's eyebrows raised and he scoffed, "Only you would worry about me. Others would worry about the harm I will do."

"Well, I'm not like them! I'm the only Rong Xin that cares for you to be safe and well."

And is somehow foolishly in love with you.

"Hmm."

"Don't worry about Miss Ming Yan. I'll take good care of her so that she'll recover when you get back."

"I'm not worried about Ming Yan right now. I'm worried you'll mope around Bleak Night waiting for me."

"I-- You're not the only thing I think about!"

"Right, I forgot. You'll miss my cooking." Master smiled at me. The moonlight illuminated his ethereal beauty.

"I do other things too! Not just eat or think about you!"

We talked for awhile that night. I didn't realize that Master was opening up to me and openly teasing me like some village child. He must have wanted to ease my anxious heart. It would be hard to not see him, and fear that he would be in harm's way. But now I understood that Master and I were going to be all right even with Ming Yan in our lives.