Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(10) Burden

"How are you two not ultra freaked out by all of this?!" Simon suddenly questions, his voice full of perplexion as he gazes at us. I scoff quietly, shaking my head unknowingly in response.

"I'm freaked out, definitely, if you aren't scared, you aren't human. But it's like it's normal, like, I already knew all of this stuff and I was just waiting for it to become reality... It's hard to explain" I sigh, tucking my hair behind my ear as I glance at Clary.

"I guess I just always felt like there was something missing. Some void I couldn't quite explain." She says cautiously, not really understanding how it works but knowing that it's real. I nod along, agreeing with her, but something within me, a small part of me, knows that I'm not fully content, that all of this just isn't fitting into place.

Why do I feel like I don't belong here?

I don't have the time to ponder as Jace, Alec and Izzy come back, they're at ease expressions implying that there was nothing to worry about and that the perimeter was secure.

"It's clear, let's go" Jace says and we all nod following him further into the darkness.

"You have to understand; the Silent Brothers aren't like us." Jace says as we walk side my side, Clary walking next to me, the both of us speeding up to march Jace's pace as he talks about the Silent brother.

"What? They lack your charm and superior people skills?" I ask sarcastically, my smirk directed at Jace who merely chuckles lightly in reply. "Brothers communicate without using words, using just their thoughts." He says, and I almost feel a sense of relief.

At least I won't feel nervous by their intimidating voices, that's good.

"That doesn't sound so bad." Clary states, voicing a similar opinion to my own, but Jace merely shakes his head in reply, "Don't let their silence fool you. They'll hold the Soul-Sword to your head, and with its blade, carve the truth from your mind." He says, his harsh words pulling me back to reality and the real consequences of this.

"If you're not strong enough, you will die." He adds.

Okay, so the stress and fear are back.

Awesome.

"I take it back. That sounds level ten bad." Clary mutters as I nod, and Jace quickly halts to a stop; staring at us both. "You should know, the pain will be excruciating. You don't have to- "

"I'll do anything. Walk through fire, battle demons, kill Satan, whatever" I say, my eyes determined and harsh, the back-biting truth of needing to save my mother over powering the fear of some creepy Shadowhunter's and their deadly toys.

Jace nods in response, his eyes twinkling as he smiles genuinely at our bravery.

I just hope this bravery will pull me through it all.

We continue the short walk further silently, Alec, Izzy and Simon had now caught up and we all halted to a stop, my heart beating harshly in my chest as I stare nervously at the entrance, specifically the skeleton body stuck warningly to the front.

Makes sense, it is the city of bones.

I sigh, "Let's go" I say, stepping forwards but quickly stop when Clary's hand gently tugs my arms back, making me turn and look at her, and I raise my brow at her anxious expression.

But it was anxious about entering the city of bones, it was a 'I need to admit something' anxious.

"What?" I ask expectantly, "Do I need to say a prayer before I go in??" I scoff out mockingly before frowning at the lack of response from Clary or Jace. I look at both Alec and Izzy, both of whom are avoiding my stare, the only one who looks as clueless as me is Simon.