trouvaille | park jinyoung

chapter six

I found a job a singer in a resto bar. The place was okay, I guess. It wasn't that big. There were only around ten tables and a few chairs in the counter.
I walked into the door as the bells chimed.

"Hey, Soora!" My co-worker waved from the counter.

"Hey, Brian." I awkwardly smiled and bowed a little.

"I told you to not call me Brian. I'm YoungK." He whined.

"I feel more comfortable calling you Brian, though." I shrugged.

"But that's how I want to be called as a singer." He slightly pouted.

"Exactly. As a singer, not as a co-worker."

I'll be singing with him in the stage. He'll play the guitar while I'll be singing. He will sing at some point, too. But mostly, he will play the guitar.

It was already 8:00 pm so people started to come in. It was a Friday, so we expect to have more guests.

We got ready on the stage. I checked the mic and Brian connected his guitar to the amplifier.

To be honest, I feel very nervous. It wasn't my first time singing in this stage and it wasn't even that big.

I get easily paranoid and start to think that people who are watching me thinks that I'm not good. Even though I try my best to be positive, thoughts like: "You're not good enough" or "You look ugly, they hate looking at you." crosses my mind.

I looked around the place while Brian starts playing the intro of our first song: Normal by Sasha Sloan.

I started singing.

~And I know this isn't like me,

I just want people to like me

And I'm just part of the crowd

But I feel better now~

The lyrics started to hit me. I've always felt different the the others. Before, I thought of it as a positive thing but as I grow older, as time passes, I started to question myself, "Why can't I just be like them? Maybe more people will like me?"

~Keep on playing that song that I don't like

I just wanna feel normal for the night

Keep on kissing that guy that's not my type

I just wanna feel normal for the night~

I finished the song.

I looked around the tables.

You didn't do good enough.

No, no. You did great, Soora. Stop thinking like that.

No, you're just fooling yourself. Stop dreaming and wake up to reality.

Shh... You're totally fine. Nothing's wrong.

Look at them. See the reality.

I looked around.

"That's ridiculous!" A group of friends were laughing.

A couple are talking to each other.

I looked at the other tables.

Crap. They're looking at me.

I hate their stares.

Theirs laughs.

I hate hearing these voices.

"Earth to Soora!" Brian waved his hand in front of my face.