trouvaille | park jinyoung

chapter two

I sat on the sand while thinking of finding a way to escape permanently and never comeback. I just wanna feel the bliss again. But the greed to feel it permanently grew inside me. I wanted to run away and escape permanently. Without hurting anyone, ruining anything, just as if I was never a part of this world.

I wanna dissapear.

I stared at the sea.

I stood up from the sand and started to walk towards the water. My feet sinking more and more as I go further until the water reached my knees. Then my torso. Until I felt suffocated by the pressure of the water reaching my chest as I go deeper until it reached my neck.

Salty water started to fill my mouth. I closed my eyes and smiled. This is it. The escape I have been looking for.

I'm sorry for being so selfish. Please forget me like I never existed. I'm going to sleep for an eternity. I will never come back. I will not have a second life. If I ever have, I wanna forget everything, everyone.

I heard silence and drifted to sleep.

...

I woke up in a soft bed with a blanket over me. I saw a white ceiling with light screwed into it, distributing enough light for the whole room.

I looked at my hands and it had some tubes in it. I also heard some liquid dropping from somewhere above. I looked around once more and saw a digital clock.

"11:12 PM"

As always, a little bit too late.

Why am I in a hospital? Don't tell me someone ruined my happiness. I just wanted to escape. Why would they do this to me? Does no one really want me to be happy?

The door squeaked as it revealed a tall figure holding a black plastic bag. He looks at me and closes the door. After doing so, he looks at me again as he puts the black plastic bag in the table.

"Why did you do it?" I ask, trembling. My tears threatening to fall. The tears start to well around my eyes and before I know it, they fell.

"I just wanted to save you." He answers back, drifting his eyes from the cabinet to me.

"S-save me? I-i was fine. I didn't need someone to save me. I'm fine." I, once again spoke with tears falling down as my cold hands tremble.

"No you're not. Ending it all won't do anything good. You'll just leave all your pain to the people who loved you." He responded after sighing and standing up, still looking at me.

"They say, that everything looks beautiful if you look into it with love," I paused for a while.

He looked at me, dazed with my sudden remark. He's waiting for an explanation why I said that. I felt like he already knew what it meant. He doesn't looks stupid, he's just waiting for an assurance.

I continued, "Guess what? I was never beautiful. B-because no one ever looked at me with love." I looked down at my cold hands as another tear escaped.

He didn't say anything about what I just told him. Because it's true. I was never beautiful in anyone's eyes. Nobody looked at me with love. Not even myself.

There was silence in the atmosphere. It's so quiet you can hear our hearts beating and our every breath.

"Here, I bought you food. Just eat it if you want to. I'll leave first." He breaks the silence. He leaves the plastic bag on the table, closing the door as he fades away, leaving me alone again in this suffocating room.

I looked at the IV attached to my left hand. I close my eyes and try to forget the reality and escape even just for now until I can escape this world forever.