trouvaille | park jinyoung

chapter four

I sat quietly in the tub. I wrapped my legs with my arms as I stared down. Right now, I don't feel sad nor happy. Not in between either. I just don't feel anything as usual.

I have nothing to do, too. I'm still in Jinyoung's unit though. I really feel like a burden to him. I've had a lot of thoughts like running away and leaving him so I won't burden him anymore but I might dissapoint him.

He's done a lot for me. Him asking me to stay is the only way I could pay him back. Thinking of it, I remembered the other night when I had a breakdown.

//flashback//

We talked at the rooftop of the building with each other until it's 2:00 am. There wasn't anyone else there as it's already too late.

I told him my problems and worries. All of them. Though I barely knew him, I found him easy to trust. I'm not particularly a person who has trust issues. I'm rather the person who trusts easily.

"Hey, Soora." Jinyoung called.

I just hummed in response, keeping my gaze at the starry sky.

Jinyoung: Promise me you will stay here.

Soora: Why would I? I'm just a burden to you.

Jinyoung: Hey, I already told you, you're not a burden. Stop saying you are.

Soora: Of course I am. (a burden)

I laughed bitterly with my remark.

He whined as he heard my response. I laughed at his reaction. He was half-whining- half-nagging about me thinking I am a burden.

//end of flashback//

I smiled at the thought of those moments. I've always wanted someone to talk to like that. I didn't have anyone to talk to for a long time. So being able to talk to him like that felt really nice.

I heard the door open. I didn't lock it as I was only sitting in the tub. A figure appeared.

I felt this weird happiness of him coming back. Like, I've been waiting for him to go back without me admitting it.

I looked up to him and smiled. I knew this one was genuine. It has been hard for me to distinguish my emotions but I just know that the smile I am wearing right now is real.

"You seem happy. You smiled." He said, still standing at the door while looking down at me.

I just shrugged and smiled once again, still looking at him.

"What were you thinking about? Mind if I sit with you." He asked, gesturing to the tub I am currently at.

"Sure."

He then sat with me in the tub while hugging his legs like I do.

Jinyoung: So, care to share?

Soora: Nah, It's your turn.

Jinyoung: My turn?

Soora: What's your story? Like, you gotta have something...

Jinyoung sighed.

"Remember when I saved you from drowning?" He looked at me with a sad expression.

"A week before that, I had an argument with my brother. Like, a really big one." He started to tell his story.

I hummed.

"I knew his girlfriend was no good. I've talked to him about it a lot of times but he just ignored me everytime." He trailed.

He continued telling me about how his brother's girlfriend is a highschool dropout and is banned from many schools in the country. His brother started smoking because of her and often came home late. Sometimes, he won't go home for days.

But his last statement made my heart broke.

"The day before I saw you, he died."

A tear escaped his orbs. Not long after that, tears streamed down his face. He wiped his own tears with his sleeves as I scooted closer to him.

"Shh... It's okay. Just cry it out." I comforted him.

Comforting people made me feel really hypocritic. One moment, I'm saying that crying doesn't help, yet now, I'm telling Jinyoung to cry it out.

He continuosly cried trying to be silent but sobs still escaped. I wrapped my arms around his crying figure while rubbing his back. I was whispering words to comfort him. I didn't even bother to ask the cause of his brother's death as is might make it harder for him to calm down.

I was caught off guard when he suddenly snuggled closer to me. I flinched for a bit but I let him be. I comforted him even more and he finally looked back up after a few minutes.

"It's okay. I'm sure your brother loves you." I whispered and wiped his stained cheeks subconsciously. I felt like doing it. So being the spontaneous person I am, I did.

He looked kind of taken aback with my actions so I slowly moved away, coughing. He did the same as we both stood up from our spots.

As we stood up, the awkward atmosphere grew and it felt stuffy. There was an awkward silence but Jinyoung decided to break it.

"I'll just wash up for a while then we'll eat dinner." He told me.

I took it as a signal to go out of the bathroom and let him do his things alone while I headed to the kitchen to look for something to cook.

I always knew how to cook. So I grabbed a few ingredients and started to make a simple dish.

When I was cutting the onions, I accidentally cut my index finger causing it to bleed. To be honest, I didn't feel the pain. It's probably because I've gotten so much used to hurt myself. Eitherway, I opened the faucet and put my finger under pressure so it will stop bleeding.

I pinched my fingers and let the water run through it for some more time after deciding that it's either okay now or I was just lazy to let the blood flow.

I looked for the first aid kit in the cupboard. Luckily, there was still one bandage left that I can use for tonight. I peeled the bandage and put it in my finger.

I just continued cooking like nothing happened. While I was doing so, a tall figure appeared beside me.

"What are you cooking?" He asked, leaning at the kitchen counter.

"Nothing special," I emotionlessly replied while I was putting the cooked food into some sort of plate.

"Let's eat." I told him as I was on my way to get some plates and chopsticks to eat with. I placed it at the counter and we sat on a high chair.

"Hey, try it." I say while pointing at the dish I cooked with my chopsticks in my left hand.

He picked up his chopsticks and started to munch the food I cooked. I wasn't really anticipating his reaction. I don't care whether he thinks if it's very delicious or not.

"It's really delicious! I never knew you know how to cook." He told me with a smile plastered in his face.

I transfered my chopsticks from my left hand to my right hand. I'm ambidextrous so it really doesn't matter if I use my right hand or left hand. I picked some pork and settled them in my plate.

"What happened to your finger?" He noticed the band-aid wrapped around my finger.

"It's nothing. I just accidentally cut myself earlier." I replied.

He didn't respond. Instead he went to the cupboards to check if there are still bandages left only to see none.

"There's no more band-aids left let's buy some after we eat." Jinyoung said.

"No, it's fine. It'll be gone in a few days." I waved my hand in the front of my chest.

"It's okay, let's still buy it. This won't be the last time that you'll get into accidents like this." He responded.

I didn't bother to protest anymore. I just shrugged it off and continued eating my food. He went back to his seat and ate again. We were both silent while eating and I liked it since I'm not the kind of person who talks a lot when eating. I'd rather focus on eating.

...

is coconut water the same thing as coconut juice?