i miss you
i miss you like i miss the stomach flu,
like i miss the pounding headaches after crying,
like i miss the jamming of my foot in a doorway
i miss your obnoxious attitudes and childish ideals,
your molded, angry faces and your harsh, venomous words
i miss the way you'd make me feel like shit,
as if i had done something wrong
i miss the guilty feeling i'd always have because of the words you'd say,
that you thought i didn't love you
and this was all an act
i miss the worried nights i'd go through, wondering where you were, if you were okay
i miss the yelling and screaming,
my rage pouring through to tell you
to get your act together
i miss the sleepless nights before i "broke your heart,"
(because i dont think i did, you didnt really love me)
and how i didnt want to do it, but i had to
to help myself before i could help you
because it was always to help you
to get you out of this rut, this seemingly neverending cycle
of ruin,
of self depreciation,
yet did you care what i was going through?
how my mental health had worsened by day?
no, you never did
i miss the day, three years ago, when a girl told me,
"he doesn't love you, he loves the way you love him,"
because i wished i would've listened
061819
