Dark Paradise (Camren)

04/01/2019 (56)

"Lived in vain..." I sneered sarcastically, looking down, but when I looked up at Lauren, my heart clenched even more. It was as if the thread of hope of my reason faded away even more. "You really don't understand it, do you Lauren?" I looked firmly at the brunette, her expression was indescribable. "My whole life I lived in vain... Everything! Exactly everything was nothing more than a bogus script, where I was nothing but a puppet. There's no reason, Lauren, not when I've already spilled so much blood." I let out a sarcastic laugh. "You were always right... The only thing that sets us apart is my fucking badge!"

Lauren didn't say anything, just approached me and grabbed my wrists, forcing me to get up. The silence was broken only by Rob's groans. I stood up, and then the brunette looked at me and ran the back of her hand on my face, wiping my tears.

"Fuck, Lauren..." I closed my eyes tightly, tears still streaming silently down my face. "I-I screwed things up. I involved my family, I involved you! Just look at you..." I said in a choked voice tone, and then burst into tears again, gripping the collar of her shirt to then hug her.

"You just got desperate... Because of me." The brunette pushed me away from her body and held my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. "Camila, do you love me?"

Unable to deny anything at that moment, unable to run away or pretend that I was fine, I looked deep into Lauren's eyes to then answer what I've been denying to myself, to her and to everyone else for so long.

"Lauren, I love you." A few tears still rolled down my face. "I feel like I'll never stop loving you. When I'm with you, all the rules and logic, things that are important to me, disappear... All I feel is how my heart beats fast whenever I'm with you."

"I love you, Camila Cabello." Lauren said, and inched her lips closer to mine. I pressed my lips to hers greedily and longingly, but Lauren groaned softly, reminding us that she was very hurt. Slowly, I pulled away from her delightful lips.

We stood in silence for a while, just looking at each other. Lauren still stroked my face with her thumb. It was scary how much I love her, there was no explanation for the peace she made me feel, even while being in such a fucked-up situation like this one.

"We arrested Britt yesterday." I broke the silence. "But nothing leads to this bastard, Lauren." I took a deep breath to control my urge to cry. "This is so frustrating."

"Camila, you really screwed up by bringing this bastard here." I looked at Lauren who seemed worried. "It's a point of no return, there's no going back, you know that, don't you?"

Lauren was right, I really had screwed things up, it was a point of no return. Drastic measures will have to happen.

"I don't want to live in a world where I can't have you, Lauren." I said, already feeling more tears falling. Lauren's eyes watered again, breaking my heart. "I don't want to live anymore, Lauren."

"Camila..."

"No..." I choked on a compulsive cry. "Lauren, I'd rather die."

And I really rather die, this anarchy that became my life wasn't worth it anymore, it wasn't worth living anymore, it wasn't worth waking up every day knowing that I can't be with the person I love, with the woman who makes me feel alive. It's not worth living close to my family when I was the reason why they weren't safe.

"Camila, if you want to die, I can help you with it."

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POV Camila Cabello

"Yeah?" I asked, looking into her eyes. "And it's you who's going to kill me? Like you did with all the others?"