Sex Lessons

23

"Grayson, you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to. It's the 21st century, gender is fluid, sexuality is fluid. Do what you want, who cares? The only things that matter is that you're true to yourself and not living a lie that'll have you depressed years down the road."

Lemuel nodded in agreement, before chugging the rest of his drink down. "Exactly. Be gay, do crimes! Who cares!?"

For the first time in these few days, I laughed. It wasn't the soft, closed-mouth laugh that I mostly do, but it was the kind of laugh that made me fill warm, my lips stretching open to reveal my teeth, and had my eyes squinting. I was laughing again. I missed it.

"Okay, you guys are right, but what do I do? Aries has been avoiding me for the longest. I doubt he still wants anything to do with me." I told.

Spencer pursed her lips, in a thinking manner. "Well, first you need to talk to Elena and make sure you're both on the same page with this whole break up thing. She at least deserves the right to have a proper breakup instead of being left hanging."

I nodded.

"And second, you find Aries and talk to him. Maybe even ask him to the homecoming dance." Lemuel added and I raised my brow up at him.

"But homecoming is next week." I blinked.

Lemuel rolled his eyes. "Then you better get going then. The hell you still sitting here looking in my face for? Go!"

They smiled at me and I gladly returned with one of my own, before nodding and quickly gathering my things and making my way out of the Grub.

••••

I had texted Elena and told her to meet me outside of her place in a few minutes. She didn't reply but I know she had seen the message, because it said she read it. I don't ever think I've been this nervous in my life. I've never broken up with someone before, mostly because I've only ever been in one real relationship. God, what if she burns my clothes or chases me around with a knife?

When I pulled up to Elena's house she was outfit waiting for me. She leaned against the trunk of her car in t-shirt and gym shorts, my gym shorts. I left them over here months ago. I was sure I lost them.

She isn't going to make this easy is she? But this needs to happen not just for me, but her as well. Perhaps this breakup is the only way we will rediscover ourselves, the us that is purely ourselves.

"Hey," I greeted, getting out the car and walking up to her.

With folded arms, she scanned me up and down. "What did you want to talk about Grayson?" She asked, bluntly.

I exhaled a sigh before speaking. "Us."

Elena's bright eyes softened for a bit, her arms unfolding and fall down to her waist. She didn't have to ask me what I meant by "us", because the look in her eyes already told me she knew. She hated it, but she knew.

"Do you love me?" She asked.

"Of course."

"Then why are you leaving me?" Elena asked, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at me with disbelief in her eyes.

Sometimes I feel I could be too honest, and it was those times that Elena didn't know how to handle it. I shook my head and wiped the back of my hand across my face. I was crying. I was crying, but I was the reason this was happening. "I think it's better this way," I said said. "We- I can't keep going on like this."

"But you love me." Elena said. That should have been enough. That should have been enough for me end all of this and apologise for ever thinking about going away.

"I do." I said. "I really, really do." I felt myself choking on my words, but I need to say this aloud. I needed to get it off my chest before it kills me. "I'm just not attracted to you the way I thought I was."

Elena blinked at me, her light eyes all teary and red. "What do you mean you aren't attracted to me?"

"Elena I'm gay, bi, or whatever the correct term is. I don't really know right now." I laughed. Bitter. It didn't sound right coming from me.

Elena's hand covered her mouth. "H-how long have you known this?" She asked, her voice shaky.

"I don't know," I answered. "I guess a part of me has always known."

Suddenly, Elena shoved me. Her small frame held no impact to my own, but it was enough to make me stumble back a bit. "And you decided to lead me on for two years? Two fucking years Grayson!"

"It wasn't like that. I actually did love you, I still do!"

"Please don't."

"Why?"

"Because you can't just come to my house, tell me you're gay and then break up with me." She said, her voice cracking as she spoke.

I sighed. "But I do love you."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?"

I shook my head. "Because I can't keep living this lie Elena. I can't keep leading you on knowing I'm never going to be able to satisfy you the way you so desperately crave. I'm not just doing this for me, but for you as well. You deserve better."

Elena blinked. "Is all this about Aries? Are you fucking him?" Elena asked, suddenly angry.

"What?" I said. "No, no I'm not fucking Aries. And this isn't about him right now, it's about the both us getting the closure we deserve."

"You wouldn't need any closure if you didn't start hanging around him in the first place."

I closed my eyes. "I can't," I said. "I'm trying to do this for us, because I want better for you, but you aren't listening. I can't be around you when you're like this."

"What do you want me to say Grayson? You can't just stop by and drop some ball like that on me and expect me to just to be all fine and dandy. It's just not realistic!"

"Elena -,"

"You can't leave me like this. It's not fair!" She said, desperate to hear me say that I wouldn't. She was breaking and I was the cause of it. I walked over and took her into my arms. She laid her head against my chest and closed her eyes, holding me tighter. "You can't just leave me like this."

I whimpered. "I know, but it'll be better for the both of us."

"Really?"

"I promise."

••••
Excuse any mistakes or errors

Unpopular opinion: But Elena has the right to be upset with Grayson and has every right to express her anger at him.