Mean for You (Mean #1) (PUBLISHED UNDER PSICOM)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I got Lansones kicked out.

It wasn't hard to do, really. I just reported to the University's board how she plotted everything. Kung paano niya sinira ang preno ng sasakyan ko at kung paano siya nagpasagasa para lang ako ang mapahamak. It wasn't that hard to prove since I blackmailed Hana, the snake, to frame the rotten fruit. Siya rin ang nagsilbing testigo.

That's it. I just want her out of the university. Of my life. Hindi naman ako ganoon kasama. May awa pa rin naman ako sa puso ko kahit papaano. It's enough to see her suffer. That's more than enough for me.

When she got out of the hospital, she begged for my forgiveness but I'm not really the forgiving type. Though I really enjoyed every moment that she pleaded.. From a different point of view, siguro mukhang ang sama-sama ko. Well, kahit saan mang view, masama naman talaga ako. I'm a self-confessed b*tch anyway.

One week na lang ay final exams na namin kaya naging busy ako. Grant was busy too, kaya minsan niya na lang ako naihahatid. Rush will grab every opportunity na hindi ko nakakasama si Grant. Lagi siyang may oras para sa akin kaya hindi ko alam kung nag-aaral pa ba siya sa ginagawa niya.

I didn't bother asking. He's Rush. Given na matalino si Rush kaya kahit hindi mag-aral ay pumapasa siya, at kung paggawa naman ng requirements naman ang pag-uusapan, I know he has someone doing it for him.

It's been a week since the whole incident with Hana happened. My life almost got back to normal. Almost, dahil ngayon ay nag-iba na ang sitwasyon ko. Before, I was only torn between two things. Chasing Grant and studies. but now, I'm torn between Grant, Rush, and my studies.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa amin ni Grant at kung anong meron sa amin ni Rush. It was really bothering me but the cousins acted like it didn't bother them at all. We never made a move on setting things straight between the three of us─and every time I'll try to open the topic, nauunahan ako ng takot. I'm scared to choose. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang pipiliin ko. Alam ko na kailangan kong pumili pero natatakot pa rin ako. I'm scared to choose one and end up regretting it in the end. I'm scared to make the wrong decision and lose them both.

The last time that Grant and I talked about... us─he pleaded me to love him again and I said yes. We were like together, but not really. Magulo dahil wala naman kaming official title, but we're both acting like we're together. Si Rush naman... Ang huling tunay na pag-uusap naming dalawa ay nung sa party. He begged me to choose him too at hindi ako sumagot sa kanya.

How did all of this happen? Bakit dati naman, masaya na ako na hinahabol-habol ko lang si Grant? Bakit dati naman, okay na ako sa pambubuska at asaran namin ni Rush? When did things start to become so complicated?

As much as I want everything back to normal-to keep them both like before, I can't. I need to choose. But once I choose one, the other will hurt. I don't think I can hurt Grant and Rush that way. Kapag pumili ako, paniguradong may masasaktan.

"Love, are you still there?" I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Grant's husky voice on the other line. He loves calling me at night and I think I love our late night calls. Yung tipong inaantok na ang boses niya at sa sobrang tahimik, parang kaming dalawa na lang yung tao sa mundo. It feels nice.

Kung si Grant mahilig tuma'wag kapag gabi, si Rush naman ay mahilig pumunta sa mansion para manggulo. Kahit minsan na hindi ko siya pinapansin ay wala siyang paki. He'll just stay in my bed and watch a movie or play with his phone. Sometimes, he'll pull me to him, just so he could cuddle me. Wala naman akong ibang magawa kundi ang magpayakap sa kanya dahil hindi niya ako pinapakawalan. And I feel guilty every time because I secretly love cuddling with him.

Kapag si Grant ang kasama ko, hinahanap ko si Rush. Pero kapag si Rush naman ang kasama ko ay pakiramdam ko, niloloko ko si Grant. I'm so fucking torn and fucking confused.