Chapter 6 | Routines |

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She fills out paperwork and sits in a waiting room that's painted too bright of colors and has florescent lights flickering. Her name is called and she follows a nice nurse, Leah, to a room where she asks basic questions.

There's a sharp knock on the door and in frightens Emma into sitting up straight. A kind looking woman comes in. She's young, early 30's and smiles at her. "Hi Emily, my name is Doctor Cleary." She holds her hand out for a shake. "I'm here to help you okay?" She says and takes a seat. Emma nods.

"Can you tell me what happened?" The doctor asks "With as much detail as you feel comfortable with." Emma doesn't know what to say. She just looks at the nurse sitting in front of her and shrugs. Leah scoots in a little closer and offers a small smile. "I want to help you, but I need you to tell me what happened."

She stays still, sitting on the table she feels like a frog in biology class. Like the jar of Lisa's guts. "I don't want to press charges," Emma says to her, speaking in a whisper.

"That's okay." She pats the girl's leg. "You don't have to, and you don't have to decide right now." Emma nods understanding but knowing she won't change her mind. "My concern, as your doctor, is to help you. What I'm asking you won't be shared unless you want it to."

"Okay."

"When did the assault take place?" Emma tells her the truth. "And where?" It's followed by a list of questions that she can't help but turn red when answering. Things that she didn't want to share with anyone. The questions continue to pour from the doctor's mouth. Emma slowly begins to tell the story in its entirety.

"It's not your fault. Hey, hey, look at me," Emma looks up. "It's not your fault. "

"I'm going to give you this paper skirt, okay?" The nurse hands it to here. "We're going to step out and let you change. When we come back we're going to do a physical examination." Emma shakes her head quickly. "Emily, it's important we make sure you're okay." She looks empathetically towards her. "We want to make sure you're not hurt."

....

Emma sits up on the table while the doctor finishes her notes. She swivels back to face her when she's done. "Emma, it took a lot of courage for you to come to us today. All of us are extremely proud of you, I want you to know that." She leaves the office with an antibiotic prescription, self-help pamphlets full of phone numbers to various suicide hotlines, one plan-b tablet, and a significantly lower amount in her bank account. Out of habit she had handed them her insurance card but has to grab it back quickly. Her mom couldn't find out where she went.

She goes to a pharmacy a town over. It's not like she's buying anything to hide, it's that she herself wants to hide. The wait isn't too long and she makes it home in enough time to slip in before her mom wakes up. She sits down on the couch and skips through the channels unable to find anything entertaining.

When Kay wakes up Emma resumes the 'stomach bug' charade she had begun that morning. Her mom puts an extra plate of dinner in the microwave for her in case she gets hungry later. She doesn't.

Instead, Emma finds herself pulling spare blankets and pillows from her closet. She unfolds and places them carefully on the floor, making something resembling a bed. She knows she can't remain in the living room for another night.

The next several days happen in a blur of eating an occasional granola bar or bowl of cereal, watching TV, and ignoring texts from Ally and Kim asking where she is. She hasn't slept for more than a few hours in a row. She likes to try and sleep in the day when her mom is home and be alone at night.

The days have blended together and Emma knows she has to go back to school. Stomach bugs don't last this long. It's gotten late and she still hasn't fallen asleep. She decides now might be a good time for her to break her own rule of not drinking from her mother's limited amount of liquor.

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