|| Wolf's Bane || The Order || Hamish X Reader ||

Philophobia

"I could've taken her" Hamish mumbled, following me outside the house and near the edge of the woods. It was a nice day, Autumn still hadn't killed all the leaves but the temperature had cooled down. I stopped below an overhanging tree and turned to face him, the sudden life threating moment filled me with adrenaline. My hands found their way into his hair and my lips met his. He was stiff for a moment, surprised. I pulled away and took a step back "I know you could've but I didn't want you guys fighting...not because of me" I breathed out, looking up at him.

Hamish was quiet, and didn't meet my eyes. I realized my mistake and awkwardly nodded. He finally pulled his sleeves up to the middle of his forearm and nodded to me. "Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" He asked leaning his back to the tree, deciding to ignore what just happened. I sighed and looked to make sure no one inside seen what happened. "I want to know more about this group before I pledge myself to it. Why magic? Why us? How did this thing start? What am I required to do if I join?" I named off some questions just to get started but he didn't seem to take me seriously. He actually laughed at me. "This isn't a joke Hamish!"

"Well, you can't be serious either. We want you to take the pledge because we had to, we need to know you're apart of the pack," Hamish kicked off the tree and stood inches away from me. "You don't have a choice (Y/N), either you say it or they kill you. I'm sorry, but that's just how it has to be." I didn't respond so he went inside, leaving me alone with m thoughts. After a few minutes of arguing with myself I finally decided as much as I didn't like it, he was right. I followed him inside, defeated. The forced situation was bad enough, but I think I just ruined any chance I had with Hamish.

"I'll do it." I agreed sighing and making eye contact with Hamish. "Great!" Randall stood and approached me. "Repeat after me" he raised his hand, expecting me to do the same. Hamish chuckled and pulled Randall's hand back down. "He's just being extra" Lilith rolled her eyes. I nodded and listened intently to Randall's words. "I give my life to the cause"

"That's it?" I looked over at Hamish, expecting this to be some joke. "Just say it" Lilith groaned, throwing her head back onto the couch. "I give myself to the cause" I suddenly felt under pressure. "Good enough" Randall cheered and Hamish took it upon himself to start making celebratory drinks.

"Hamish, do you think we could talk? Not about the knights this time I promise, I really just want to make sure what happened won't cause any issues." I stood at the other end of the counter, watching him pour several ingredients into a shaker. "Can it wait until I've gotten a little more tipsy? I wouldn't mind talking...you just have that look in your eyes...how about we both drink while you talk." Hamish handed me a drink and moved towards the door with a drink of his own in his hands.

We both sat on the steps of the porch outside beside each other. It was quiet for a while before I broke the silence. "Hamish, before...when we were at the bar, we were flirting and drinking, and then earlier when I kissed you I-"

"What about it? We were both drunk of our asses and when I realized you weren't just having fun I stopped it. The kiss...well, it shouldn't of happened." he took a long gulp from his drink and wiped his mouth. I watched him and nodded. So that's how he felt. I stood and downed the entire drink. My throat burned as I placed the cup in my place and faced him. "Good, You're right, it shouldn't of happened" I huffed and went back inside, slamming the door on the way in.

Stupid. That was so stupid. I was so stupid. I thought maybe he only turned me down before because I wasn't a werewolf. Apparently I just wasn't good enough. Randall stopped me before I could continue my path to the upstairs bedroom. "Don't worry about Hamish. I seriously wouldn't even try to get any closer then me and Lilith are, he's got some bad history. He'll just end up pushing you away" Hamish walked in and glared at Randall, seemingly hearing everything Randall said. "Thanks for the help Randall but I'd rather just forget anything happened" There was silence again and I made my way upstairs.

Hamish followed me.

Once inside the bedroom (which I would be staying in since The Order knew I was a werewolf) I turned to face him. He closed the door behind him, and hesitantly turned to face me. "You don't have to explain. I can take rejection, I'm not a child." I sat on the foot of my bed and watched him. He sat down beside me and pulled out his phone, showing me a picture of a girl. "This is why it won't work. Why it can't happen." his voice was shaky, but his face was blank.

I stood up and shook my head, "I meant it when I said you didn't have to say anything. You're attractive and I thought we hit it off at the bar, but the kiss was a mistake and it won't happen again. I promise...You really shouldn't be flirting with random people if you have a girlfriend any-"

"She's dead"

I froze, my mouth agape in shock. Fuck.

"Hamish, I didn't mean to...I didn't know. I just thought you were already with her." I struggled to make up for my comment and the kiss, but it didn't seem to faze him. "When did it happen?" I sat back down beside him as he laid back on my bed, facing the ceiling. "A few years ago" he answered and I nodded. "I'm so sorry, for everything. I've been acting on impulse since I met you and I should've taken your warning at the bar more seriously. I'm sorry for your loss" I sighed falling back on the bed beside him. "It's fine, I'm sorry for leading you on. I shouldn't've flirted with you or brought you here."

"Why did you?" I asked hesitantly, turning my head to look at his face. He copied me, his blank face faltering. "I don't know, I figured as long as it was just for fun and didn't lead into something serious that maybe it would make me feel better. The truth is you're beautiful, I haven't clicked with someone like that since Cassie..." The room was quiet. I stared into him and I felt him staring back into me. I felt his hand brush against mine, our fingers now laying against each other. Neither of us moved away or said anything. This was wrong.

But it wasn't until the ringing started that I jumped up. I felt myself changing again, my insides felt like they were twisting, though it could have been Alpha fighting to emerge. Hamish sat up and embraced me again, his fingers softly circling my back and his other hand holding my elbow. My arms wrapped around him, as I felt my heart beat in my ears. After fighting the transformation I couldn't stop the tears from falling. Hamish pushed my hair back and shushed me. "I'm sorry, I know it will take some getting used to but there is nothing I can do to change you back."

I wiped away my tears and nodded. "Then at least teach me how to control it. You won't always be here to help me."

"Okay, but I can't promise you'll like it...and trust me you'll be more comfortable if Lilith teaches you."