While we're on the subject of my faith, here's a reflection I wrote for my philosophy class in my first semester. Shoutout to Dr. Todd Buras!
At the start of the hour, I was singing praise songs but then stopped when I realized I had to be quiet. In the quiet, my thoughts began to distract me - daydreams and planning and conversations I'd had and needed to have. In time I cleared my thoughts.
And it was kind of quiet, in an unnerving way. With nothing to distract me, I was reminded of a quote from E.M. Forster's The Machine Stops: She never realized how loud the machine was until it stopped. I had never realized how large the onslaught of diversions was until they all stopped.I tried to meditate on a verse I had read earlier but I had forgotten it so my mind mulled over Psalm 23:1 instead: 'The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want'.
In Christian Scriptures, we'd learned that LORD translated to YHWH in Hebrew, a personal name for God. This means we are supposed to be close to Him as sheep are to their shepherd. The Bible makes it clear in that verse that we are supposed to be as sheep to Jesus our shepherd, which begs the question: have we made Him our shepherd?
The answer that I'd been running away from was no, I had not been making Jesus my Shepherd. How do I go about that then? By listening and obeying were the answers. I hear God's voice but I don't always listen, I don't always act on what I hear.
A little while after that realization, my mind wandered again and settled on my grandmother's funeral. I remembered clearly my uncle crying then my little sister comforting him while I walked into another room. A couple of other scenes similar scenes came into my mind and I realized that I was afraid of extreme emotions. 'That's what the diversions are for' a voice said in my head.
It was true and I guess to an extent that's why human beings distract ourselves: to keep from dealing with emotions like fear, grief, and anxiety.
But those feelings are not pleasant hence the distractions to keep from stressing yourself. But distracting yourself does not help the source of those emotions go away.
At that moment my alarm rang.
YOU ARE READING
The Ability To Even (Collegiate Chronicles)
Non-FictionNot everything goes according to plans. Lessons and family and life teach you so much as it all swings about. I'm just trying to figure this all out. Join me?
