"I love you god knows I do but I can't do this. I can't. I put up with the phone calls, the text messages, social media, random chicks, not coming home, and everything else. Let alone a baby you conceived by some random chick. I'd be a fool to marry...
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Chapter 41: Caged Bird April
Right now, I feel like a bird Caged without a key Everyone comes to stare at me With so much joy and reverie They don't know how I feel inside Through my smile, I cry They don't know what they're doing to me Keeping me from flying That's why I say that... I know why the caged bird sings Only joy comes from song She's so rare and beautiful to others Why not just set her free? [Caged Bird: Alicia Keys]
Laid up under the sun with her Versace shades shielding her chocolate brown eyes from the sun April took in the scenery as she sipped on a frozen drink. The sun was shining brightly as the weather was almost stifling but she didn't care she needed this. She needed the heat. Her body craved the warmth. April sat up against the plush pillows on the outside daybed clothed in a scandalous yellow monokini just soaking in the sun and watching the waves crash back and forth against themselves. She was looking like a seven course meal. Yes, April was looking like an aperitif, entre, salad, main course, cheese, dessert, and fuck a coffee she looked like a fine ass glass of wine. She had finally felt like she could breath, think in peace, and re-evaluate herself and her life in general. Of course the weather was shitty in Jersey but it was beautiful and almost breathtaking in Jamaica. That's where she had been for the past week and damn it felt good. She felt good. She felt free. There were no phone calls, long meetings, and colleagues breathing down her neck. There was no work period.
April finally took her therapist's advice and took a much needed vacation. She had started planning it the day of the bad snow storm and took care of everything she needed before actually leaving. There was no family or friends. It was just her and she didn't mind one bit. That's how she planned it. She needed to be by herself. The only people that knew she had left were her parents although they wished she had taken someone with her but they understood the reason for her going by herself. Of course her security detail was beefed up but she didn't mind. She was use to them being around anyway and besides they gave her enough space to feel like she was alone. April had rented out a house for a month that was off the beach, had all the amenities she required, and her fridge was fully stocked so she didn't want or need for anything but to have a good time and live in the moment. To embrace the freedom she had.
For the most part all she did so far was walk and jog along the beach in her thoughts and swim here and there but what she found herself doing quite often was writing in her journal courtesy of her therapist. She found it to be therapeutic. To April it felt good to unload all of her thoughts on paper instead of having someone listening to her feeling as though she was just repeating the same things over and over and over again and sugar coating her feelings to appease them. When in reality she wasn't fine and she felt like breaking down. Her emotions were all over the place. Sure Dave played his part in it all but April also had other things on her mind that she needed to properly cope with before she went down a self-destructive path. With her journal she wrote no matter how she felt. She got to spill her guts and all her silent thoughts. The good, the bad, and the ugly she expressed herself freely. So many questions floated around in her head.
