HIS WORDS |Editing|

C H A P T E R 13

Logan

I dont know what to feel honstely, was I supposed to even feel something?

First I just had a shitty day like any other days it was no big deal. But then I saw how he had whrapped his arms around her shoulder or how he would touch her cheeks. It didn't bother me that much but I would be lying if I said it didn't do anything with me. The fact that they were going on a date kind of disturbed me. I don't want her going on dates with guys, I surely don't want her to be hugging random dudes. In fact I kind of wanted her by my side or in my arms. I just really wanted to hold her and tell her how I wanted to kiss the ground she walked on.

But of course I can't do that.

Maybe it was better this way. Maybe this is Gods punishment for me. It was probably the World's way of telling me that I was garbage and deserved this. She wasn't made for me, I wasn't made for her. Denya deserved someone how doesn't look at the world with a cold heart and a blurred vision. She deserved someone better then me, someone like Ezra.

Everyone has left the house expect for Dean and Jay. It was realy silent at first but jay decided to speak up. "Are you okay my guy?"

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"I mean with the whole Denya situation."

"You know that I'm back together with Trina right?"

"Yeah and? Being back together doesn't mean you love her does it?"

I laughed and took my lighter ready to smoke but then I remember her big brown eyes and decided against it. " You know better than anyone that a guy like me doesn't get the girls."

Dean looked as if I grew to heads. " What do you mean by that? Girl's legit faint we you just be breathing and shit."

"Have you seen her? She is a source of light like , she can be compared to the sun. Denya can make a room light up with her presence and you know me. I'm basicly just a piece of shit still breathing."

"Well shit man where is the confident
idiot that I know?" Asked a confused Dean.

"Don't know man probaly hiding somewhere." I said with a grin on my face.

"You know you can't be so negative all the time?" Jay looked at me before going on. " I know Denya, she legit sees good in everything. And if she didn't see good in you than I don't think you two would be that close."

"I know that Jay, and I'm not planning on taking advantage of that."

I went outside and took a really deep breath. Winter break was around the corner and he thought about visiting his ill grandfather, he wanted to vist him for a long time now. He was supposed to live with him and his familly but his mother didn't want a 'malfunction' in the house. Logan looked up to his grandfather alot, Well yeah his Grandfather had his flaws and he had his. He remember how he would come by and start to give him a lecture about how he was supposed to 'man-up' at 12. First it was no big deal because he had gotten used to it but afterwards he acted like they wanted him to be.  He came back home late, he would drink and try to forget that he is an unwanted child.  Logan remembers it so well like it was yesterday. How he would take a swim in his pool and he would just be under water trying his hardest to not breath. How his maid came in his room and started streaming at the top of her lungs because I was covered in blood. That day I thought it would be a good idea to provoke people on the streets, It was a habit of mine. I would provoke people and it would lead to a fight. And I could fight back but I didn't want to, took all the beatings without even trying to protect myself.  Because I heard a voice in my head telling me that, that's what a unwanted child gets.