Broken || Roadtrip

fourty ▪ "You want to kiss me?"

"I hope you can keep up with me" offering a small wink, I offer a loud laugh as Sonny joins in after the words leave his lips.

"I'm pretty sure I won't" unlocking my car, I throw my gym back in the bag before sitting down in the drivers seat.

"Nah, I think you will. You are a dance teacher after all. I'm just a lanky boy band member" he jokes as he plops down in his seat, the bag in his lap.

"Boy band member trialist" I correct him, though it's pretty sure to all of us and that Sonny is going to stay about 99%.

"You really had to say that, huh?" Offering a played pout, Sonny crosses his arms.

"Yep. That's how I am" shrugging lightly, I start the car, Sonny chuckling as I back out into the street.

We drive down towards the town, the gym being only 10 minutes away from home.

"Ash?" Breaking the comfortable silence, Sonny turns towards me, interrupting the Shawn Mendes song playing on the radio as I glance at him.

"Yeah?" I feel the atmosphere shift as he bites down his lip carefully, my eyes focusing back on the street.

"Can we talk?"

A sigh leaves my lips as I stop the car in a parking bay, turning it off and facing Sonny, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

"Look, I'm flattered that you think about me that way, if you still do, but I can't do that to Ryan. He loves you a lot".

"I... okay let me explain. I was really angry yesterday. Jack and Andy were basically acussing me of cheating on Ryan just because I have a crush on you. I could never cheat on anyone especially Ryan", I begin, my eyes trained on his face as I refuse to look away, needing him to understand the situation and my emotions.

"That's harsh" he nods his head, waiting for me to continue.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to tell Ryan about it, I feel awful not being truthful with him but that would shine somewhat of a bad light on you even though you have nothing to do with it. Well, you do but it's not your fault", a small smile plays on his lips as I close my eyes briefly.

"I don't know if I want to keep dating Ryan. I feel bad for thinking about you when I should think of him. I would never cheat on him, but to be honest I have second thoughts about our relationship. Maybe I should break up with him" a deep sigh leaves my lips as I glance out of the front window.

"I can't have you break up with him just because you feel like you have a crush on me. Maybe you're just a little confused about your feelings" he shoots back, the worry clear in his voice.

"It's not only because of you and the crush I have on you. It's the fact that I think of anyone else in that way, I feel like I'm not being fair to Ryan."

"Let's break this down. You and Rye are together for almost 7 months, you know me for one, you and him are obviously in love, you have a small crush on me-"

"Sonny that doesn't change shit. Statistics don't stop me from thinking about kissing you" I use a joking vibe, regretting the last part instantly.

"You want to kiss me?" His eyebrows furrow as he turns in his seat, his whole body facing me as his knee is laying on the seat.

"Well, sometimes" I shrug my shoulders, knowing there is no need to deny anything now. We are both adults and can talk about this stuff.

"Asher, you need to get over me. I can't stand between you and Ryan. Besides I really want to get into the band, I can't deal with that kind of trouble right now, no matter how you and I feel." He stressfully brushes a hand through his hair as I wipe my sweaty hands off at my pants.

"I know. And if it was that easy we wouldn't be here. But I'll get over it. I think talking about it with you helped as well"

Then I think about the words he was choosing. He feels something too?

I feel my cheeks heat up slightly, but shake the feelings away again, starting the car as I realise we're done with the conversation so far.

A comfortable silence falls among us again as I turn up the radio, 'Old Town Road' playing as a smile tugs onto my face.

I start to move along to the song slightly, quietly singing along until I hear a chuckle to my left, my eyes snapping to a grinning Sonny for a moment before focusing back on the street.

"What? I'm just enjoying the song" huffing, I return to hum along.

"Oh, I can tell" he laughs again, a smile tugging onto my lips, the words to the song flowing off my lips a little louder now, Sonny joining in after his laughter died down.

I glance at him every few seconds and even though he's not trying too hard I can't help but smile at the sound of his voice. He's gonna fit perfectly with the boys.

The rest of the car ride is filled with banging out some songs before we arrive at the gym and get working.

"I'm so dead" a groan follows my words as I slump back towards the car, Sonny right next to me, both of us freshly showered and exhausted as hell.

Having a gym buddy to motivate you is both awesome but fucking exhausting.

"And I still have to record for the song later" Sonny sighs, the smile on his face growing as he seems really happy to be able to say that again.

Opening the car, I get inside after I toss the bag into the back.
"I'm thinking about joining you for the session. Would that be okay with you?"

"Sure, I mean you already heard me sing, right?" Sonny jokes, sitting down in his seat as well as he puts on his seatbelt.

"I'm gonna ask the rest of the boys then. Well except Andy, he's basically ignoring my existence" I roll my eyes slightly, turning on the car before I glance back to the boy next to me, a sad smile playing on his lips.

"You should talk to him. Maybe you can figure it out together?" He suggests and though I appreciate the gesture, I can't help but sigh slightly as I being driving.

"Yeah I should talk to a lot of people, huh?"

"Ash. I just don't want you to feel this way. I don't want to be the reason you feel shitty about yourself and your relationship" he mutters, his tone serious and a little quiet.

"You aren't the reason. It's my stupid feelings. And I appreciate you and that I can talk about this whole stuff with you. I still have a crush on you and that's the problem I need to figure out myself. I'll talk to Andy as soon as I feel ready, but I think I should get things straight with myself and talk to Ryan" I'm quick to try and assure him, my eyes snapping to him every now and then.

"But I do feel bad. I mean under different circumstances we might have worked out, but as I said, I can't be the reason for you to break up with Ryan."

This surprises me. I really didn't expect him to feel similar, let alone tell me about it but I can't decide if that makes it all better or worse.

"I don't think I want to break up with him right away, but I need to tell him the truth. I'm not being fair to him right now" deciding to brush over his little confession, I tell him that instead, though my mind can't shut up about it.

"I guess that's the best thing to do. It will probably hurt him but you are both adults and he will appreciate that you are honest with him. Maybe don't mention my name if that's possible?" Sonny offers a pained smile, a giggle leaving my lips as I can't decide if he's completely serious or sneaking in a joke to ease the tension.

"I'll try my best" I roll my eyes.

"That was a joke, you know that right? I mean I don't want to be on Rye's bad side right away but you need to be completely honest with him" Sonny clears up, my head nodding as I bite down my lip, growing more anxious with every minute we get closer to home.

I won't tell him right away, not before the recoding session but maybe tomorrow.