Gunita [EDITING]

dieciseis

Weeks passed by in a hurdle, ni hindi ko na nga napansin na pasukan na rin pala namin dahil masiyado kong binabad ang sarili ko sa pagbabasa ng mga libro. Medical books felt suffocating, and it felt like I was trying to torture myself by reading the lessons over and over again, kaya tinigilan ko na lang. I resorted to reading novels to kill time. I just didn't want to see the outside world, since I didn't want to see Anna or any of the Juarez'—the only time I went out was during the last leg of Apostrophe' tour.

It was great.

Probably an unforgettable one.

Pagkatapos no'n, nagkulong na lang ulit ako sa bahay kasi dinadalhan naman ako lagi ni Manang ng pagkain aside from the snacks and drinks inside of my own refrigerator, tapos lalabas lang ng kwarto kapag alam kong wala na si Anna sa mansion. I just wanted to keep myself away from her.

Being near her meant pain... and more pain. And greater destruction.

It feels suffocating.

When I was younger, I hated how big the house was. It just felt really empty and sad, laging tahimik tapos wala pa'kong masiyadong kasama lagi. I grew up being independent, but I longed for friends so I didn't stop bothering Zachary until they let me inside the circle.

Pero ngayon, I learned how to appreciate it already—it meant spaces away from Anna. It meant protecting myself from the pain.

"Akala ko naman magkukulong ka na talaga sa kwarto mo, nak," sabi ni Manang habang naghahain ng breakfast sa harapan ko. I already made sure Anna was out already. God, kaunti na lang. I just needed to graduate and then I can finally find a house of my own.

They just didn't want me out of the house yet as long as I'm still not complete with MedSchool. Same goes to everyone else in the family. It's like an unbreakable rule already—never leave the house until you've graduated.

Natawa na lang ako sa sinabi ni Manang, "Kumpleto na ba gamit mo? Baka may maiwan ka pa, ha," paalala niya.

Napangiti ako, "Ayos naman na po lahat ng gamit ko," sambit ko. The last time I went out of the house, sinabay ko na ring mamili ng school essentials. I just didn't want to risk it—seeing Anna meant harm. She just hates me so much kahit wala naman talaga akong ginagawa! Pakiramdam ko nga kahit paghinga ko gusto na niyang isumpa.

I wasn't even able to talk to Chen properly the past few days, with her wedding just around the corner, I just couldn't help but to think na sobrang wala akong kwenta when it comes to inside familial matters... She doesn't even deserve that screwed up guy, and I can't even do anything about it. Kahit subukan ko ring humingi ng tulong kila Lolo, sobrang useless lang din... The Jerardos, when it comes to power and authority, they're much greater with that. Mas lalong nagiging mahirap kapag sila na 'yung nagsalita... nobody can break their words, because for them, they don't just create or build the rules, they are the rules.

I finished my breakfast at umakyat ulit ng kwarto para mag-toothbrush at mag-ayos pa nang kaunti. When I was already satisfied with how I looked, kinuha ko na rin 'yung gamit ko at bumaba.

"Ate..."

I paused when I saw Chen. She looks sadder and sadder every day. Her eyes were bloodshot, her under eyes looked darker compared to when I last saw her. I immediately put down my things and pulled her into a hug.

"Shh," I whispered, caressing and stroking her hair habang umiiyak siya. God, she's just turning 20... she had so many plans in life. She wanted to travel the world, forget about everything else... sobrang dami niyang gustong gawin.

But in just a blink of an eye... binawi nila 'yun lahat sa kaniya.

"Why aren't you in your uniforms?" I asked when she broke the embrace as she wipes her eyes pooled with tears. I know Chen's getting married, but it's not their right anymore to meddle with her education! Ngumiti lang siya at umiling.