I know I vented like a page ago but I want to just somewhat do it again?? But basically I'm just venting about myself, and a few problems that I really need to take care of. It's actually embarrassing to post this but I hope you guys understand and even try to help me??? Also this will be jumbled so sorry if you don't understand it all.
Okay, so the issue is that I have gotten irrationally jealous quite a few times, especially on here. It's not like I get jealous when you're online and don't respond exactly when I do, or if you just talk to someone else. No, it's not like that.
Most of the time it's where people don't respond to me for hours, despite being online. This is irrational because honestly a lot of people don't mean to, and I do this too! Notifications can get crowded or you can get distracted, and it just means you forget.
Now an obvious fix for being forgotten would be to just put a question mark after your reply or just some other response, but NOPE. I've only really done this with around three people, and I often feel nervous about doing it. Like they will get mad at me or something.
If you guys know me, I communicate the best with others during roleplays, and it's normally when this sort of stuff happens. Some people just need a break and reply to their main roleplays, and yet somehow that makes me feel bad?? Like, they're trying to be nice and just trying to get their life together, but I just feel bad for no reason at all.
I avoid looking at my notifications a lot because I see people I hardly talk to anymore and I just get sad, but nervous on trying to reach out and talk? I don't know, it's like this nervousness that I'll just bother them or they won't respond at all. I don't have anxiety, but I certainly get anxious about these things...and when I do it's normally when I see the people I get jealous about when they forget about me.
As said, I am trying to find away to not act like a little brat and get jealous, it's just that I am the most social when on Wattpad, and I usually don't interact with a lot of people on here or on day, so I just get used to the people I talk to daily (which I guess makes me a bit more protective???).
I'm really sorry if you're one of the people who I actually have bothered or who have seen me be a bit jealous. I really don't try to do it and I hate that feeling in my gut that I get every time.
I try to be a good friend and someone who just sticks to the happy sunshine side, but everyone needs help and I have accepted the fact that this is a problem. Jealousy is normal, but I feel like mine could be a bit smaller and less appearing. So that's why I posted this, so you guys could help me and maybe feel less awkward if you get jealous too...and also as an apology to anyone who may have seen that side of me.
So yeah! Thanks if you actually read all of this. 💜
P. S. I really need to get to work because recently I've just been laying on my bed, watching YouTube, and staying mostly on Wattpad despite people being gone most of the day due to having a life. Any suggestions on how to help me spend my time on other things are welcome!
