SLOW BURN

33. pretty sure

I'm not kidding. I really can't dance but I can't say no to her especially when she's holding my hand and looking at me. She's the hottest girl here and she chooses me to dance with. I'm sure I'm getting a lot of envy looks behind on my back. Besides, I love how careless she's being. For once, she's doing without thinking. I know it's mostly the alcohol but I decide to enjoy it. She grabs my arms and moves them around making me laugh. She's being silly and free. I love it.

"You know that Brad is watching us, right?" I ask her after a few songs. She has her hands around my neck and I have mine around her waist. It's not really a slow song but nobody seems to care. Everyone's kind of doing their own thing.

She shrugs. "Screw Brad."

I grin. "Wow, okay."

She smiles at me then rests her head on my chest as we move to the music. After a few moments, I feel her body limp and I realize that she's falling asleep while dancing.

"Alright, let's get you to bed." I murmur then pick her up in my arms. I carry her into the house and up the stairs. After a few tries, I finally find the room where her bags are so I know it's where she's staying.

She opens her eyes as I'm laying her down. She looks around the room, probably wondering where she is. I can tell she's really drunk. I've never seen her like this. Out there in the dance floor she was fearless but in here, in the dark room, she looks a bit vulnerable.
"Don't leave," she says sitting up.

"Okay. I won't," I say sitting down on the bed.

She moves so that she is sitting on my lap, her legs on either side of me. She's just wearing her bikini top with shorts and I allow my eyes to travel down her chest and stomach. She's so sexy.

She places her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. "I've really missed you." She whispers. There is some sadness in her voice that makes me believe her.

I put my arms around her waist. "I've missed you too, Natalie."

She smiles then looks down. She runs her thumb across my lower lip before she leans in and presses her lips against mine. I close my eyes and tighten my arms around her. God. I really missed feeling her skin, her lips, her hands on me.

She pulls away to look at me again and then she says something I never thought she would say to me. She says, "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, Josh."

My eyes widen in surprise and pleasure at the same time. "What?" I ask. She didn't just say that right? She's drunk. She probably doesn't know what she's saying.

She kisses me using her tongue this time. She tastes like beer, reminding me that she is not in her full five senses. We kiss until we run out of breath. I feel like I'm coming back to life with every kiss she gives me. Before Natalie, a kiss was just a kiss but kissing is more special and pleasurable when it's with her. It's just different.

She puts her arms around me after and rests her head on my shoulder. I want to talk, ask her if she meant what she said but I know I won't get a straight answer in the state she's in. I'll have to wait for tomorrow. I suddenly can't wait.

She falls asleep in my arms but I hold her for a long time before I finally lay her on the bed. I walk out of the room and linger in the hall for a moment. Most of the people are outside but the party is dying down.

"Hey."

I turn to look at Cassie as she makes her way up the stairs. "Hey."

"Natalie fell asleep?"

"Yeah, she passed out," I say looking away.

She stands next to me. I can tell she's hesitating to say what she wants to say. After a moment, she finally says, "So you and Natalie..."

I don't say anything, not really knowing where she's going.

She turns to look at me. "You know, I was there the night you told her you loved her," she says quietly.

I feel my shoulders tense as I turn to look at her.

She nods. "I was in my room. I know you guys didn't know."

I think about my conversation with Natalie that night. We didn't just talk. We had sex against the wall of their living room. And Cassie was there. I look away. "Sorry you had to hear that."

She smiles. "Not gonna lie, it wasn't pleasant. At all. But I'm glad I was there because now I know that she's my competition."

I frown. "Cassie-"

"I know you love her." She interrupts. "And I know she doesn't love you but I do, Josh. I've loved you since four years ago and I know you did too. You wouldn't have to pry a love out of me. You don't know if Natalie will ever be ready to confront Brad or her family. She can't give you what you deserve. I can. I want to."

I think about her words and what Natalie said to me tonight. She was drunk but I want to believe that she meant it. I need to speak with her. I wish she wouldn't have chosen tonight to get drunk.

"Is that why you told Natalie we kissed?" I ask her.

She bites her lip. "I was already suspicious of you two and I wanted to know how serious it was. I'm sorry."

I just nod but don't say anything.

"Aren't you glad I did it though? Because now you know she doesn't love you."

I hesitate. "Cassie-"

"Just think about it, okay?" She places her hand on my shoulder. "Give us a chance, Josh."

She drops her hand then walks away leaving me alone with my thoughts.

They've never been louder.

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